frosting fingers

new semester

2012-01-23T19:23:00.003+07:00

so holiday is up and tomorrow's gonna be the first day of my 6th semester in ITB. and what's so good about this is there's no 7 am morning class on the schedule yay! soooo many things happened during this holiday. i spent my last week of holiday trained the new kids on MBWG's practice. i had lost my voice a couple days ago because of it. yep sorry for all those torturing stuff guys i could be that harsh when it comes to coaching color guards haha. anyway, according to my short holiday list, i've completed all but one thing, practice my driving. oh well i might never get a car because of this. i'm not feeling really well right now but somehow i'm really excited to begin this semester. i sense a lot of dramas to deal with but i bet that's what makes it more interesting. welcome hectic days!

--v

dear you

2012-01-17T21:05:00.003+07:00

hey you, one of the most annoying person i've ever know. i've always wanted to tell some of these words to you. maybe you're thinking i don't know and don't care anything about you. of course i'll never let you know it but in fact i do. high pride, prestige, or whatever you want to call it, i'm sure you know it well too, it's one out of many things we have in common.

hey you, the person with those creative and different minds. did you know? i've always jealous of you ever since i know you. i know we have lots in common but you also have many things i always wanted to have. the way you caught people's heart, the way you treat them, the way you live your life, yes i'll might never have it. that's the main reason why i don't like you but at the same time always look up to you.

hey you, the one who've been struggling so damn hard lately. i'll might never know what's it like to be in your position now. also i don't have any right place to say this but you're gonna be fine. you can put your mask off, crying and whining all you want. but i know you're not going to let something like this brings you down. you're gonna find a way, like always. i'm gonna be right here, watching you do what's best for yourself, and get jealous of it, yeah not helping much i'm sorry. this is just the usual me who cannot do anything. but surely you have enough power and those loving people to help yourself. so don't give up :)

--v

hey blog

2012-01-11T23:40:00.003+07:00

hey blog, i'm back as promised. how was the trip? amazingly fun! absolutely a perfect way for starting a fresh new year. lots and lots of stories to be told. but i don't think i'm going to write about it here. maybe just a couple of photos later after my friend upload it. anyway, remember the short list of action i wrote last december?

1. move out of this crappy signal place

2. pull up my grade

3. getting a short haircut

4. balancing HMTL and MBWG

5. gaining more self confidence

up until now, i'm proud to say all checked until point 4. unfortunately i still can't reach point number 5. well, it's not that i'm making any deadline for these little goals but instead of gaining i feel like losing more self confidence day by day. i started doubting my ability in everything. i don't feel beautiful, i'm not that smart, i'm not a kind-hearted person, i'm not sociable, i'm lack of creativity, i haven't done anything with my life, and i'm falling further behind everybody else. and i just can't point out anything good about myself. negativity, i know. maybe it's the risk of living with a bunch of amazing people. well, i hope this doesn't last long.

--v

a head start

2012-01-04T08:35:00.003+07:00

good morning :) it's been raining everyday since 2012 comes. i hope not for today. they said the tsunami happened on japan in the beginning of the year is a sign for 2012 dooms day. well, i never believe on that issue either but it's still kinda sad. i also hear news that some of my friends have their family member passed away. i think it's a bit gloomy for starting a new year. oh well, maybe it started low but i'm sure the graph will rise over time.

so, 2 days ago i moved out from my old 'kos kosan'. this was the first and only productive activity i've done in 2012. i hate moving out, really. but there's always a little fun when you find your old-never-been-seen-for-so-long things. well some of them did bring out those bad memories but some of them made my mother confused of why am i laughing alone. and then i brought home my ipod. i rarely use it except for a long journey which i need music to accompany me. then i realize i hardly ever added new songs to my itunes. it started when my macbook, where i put all of my music without back up, broke and they have to re-format it, so i changed my laptop into acer and i'm too lazy to re-add those old songs. okay it's out of topic, i should stop.

the point is i've been listening again to the old songs on my ipod and they work like those things i found when i moved out, some makes me sad and some makes me smile. some of them i still can sing along and i'm surprised that i still remember the lyrics. it's amazing how the brain still remember all of those little things without you realize it. you just need those simple memory caller things and you will see the past all over again.

anyway, i brought back my ipod cause i need it for the trip. yes, tonight i will be flying to bali then take a ferry to lombok. don't ask me how excited i am right now. yeay holiday! see you later blog i'll be back in a week :D

--v

hari terakhir 2011

2011-12-31T10:56:00.002+07:00

hahay akhirnya sampai juga kita ke penghujung 2011. jadi tadi gue baru saja membaca ulang postingan selama setahun ini. dari sana dapat gue simpulkan kalau kira2 setengah tahun pertama 2011 gue masih banyak mengeluhkan hal yang sama di blog ini. masih belum bisa menyeimbangkan antara unit dan himpunan, krisis kepercayaan untuk orang lain dan diri sendiri, sedikit konflik kecil dgn teman, dan yah masalah yang paling klise, masalah move on.

sekarang? mungkin emang belum sepenuhnya bisa teratasi tapi overall gue merasa lebih baik kok. unit dan himpunan mulai bisa diseimbangkan dan gue sudah bisa merasa nyaman di kedua tempat. konflik pertemanan beres. drama percintaan? hmm gmn ya haha. belum sepenuhnya tapi sudah sangat membaik kok untuk move on-move on an ini dan biarpun masih pilih2 orang, tapi setidaknya gue udh lebih bisa percaya sama orang lain.

2011 taun yang cukup menyenangkan terutama karena ada kompetisi iombc guard contest. yang bikin ngga menyenangkan apalagi kalo bukan akademik semester 5 yang super gila tugasnya. hidup gue dihantui laporan tak berujung dan tugas mingguan yang suka ngga mikir banyaknya. ditambah lagi ada latian dies mbwg. tapi ya sekali lagi manajemen waktu itu skill wajib untuk anggota marching band.

hmm memori 2011 selain iombc dan dies adalah ulang taun gue ke 19. dapet 2 surprise dari anak2 TL dan MBWG dan 1 perayaan bareng KMWG (kelahiran mei waditra ganesha). ada juga liburan singkat keluarga ke bali, dan roadtrip ke ujung genteng bareng anak2 mbwg. taun ini entah kenapa kerasa lebih singkat. emang ngga seistimewa 2010 tapi bolehlah yaa.

resolusi 2012? gue masih mau ngelanjutin targetan peningkatan akademik dan penyeimbangan unit dan himpunan. urusan pacar belakangan aja, kalo dapet syukur kalo engga yaudah. single itu lebih enak kok haha. oh iya yang paling penting tema 2012 gue adalah "BRAIN, BEAUTY, BEHAVIOR" hahaha. idenya dibikin sm temen gue anak TL yang ngerasa cewek2 TL angkatan gue telah merusak image cewek TL sebagai kembang kampus ITB gara2 kelakuan kita yang terlalu asal2an. yah kalo dipikir-pikir emang bener juga sih. emang bukan resolusi yang serius tapi lumayan boleh dicoba. siapa tau bisa ikutan miss indonesia kalo tb2 gue jadi tinggi. amin. gini nih orang ngga pernah bikin resolusi, sekalinya bikin malah ngasal.

dan kerjaaan gue di penghujung taun adalah seharian bermalas-malasan di rumah. sungguh tidak produktif. tapi nanti malem bakal ada kumpul keluarga dan sodara2 yang ikut pasti yang ngga punya kerjaan macem gue ini. yasudahlah daripada nganggur. oke deh cukup sekian. sampai jumpa tahun depan! :)

--v

2 days to 2012

2011-12-30T08:18:00.003+07:00

so this morning i've just booked tickets for our next trip to lombok yeay! the trip will be on early january and i'm super duper excited :D this was another impulsive plan that becomes real. yeah i'm glad i'm surrounded by those fun and impulsive friends. hm anyway,today in this last days of 2011 i will be taking my cat to veterinarian with my mom and my sister. well at least i still have a plan. but i kinda like my holiday so far.

i'm too lazy to write anything more serious than this post. okay tomorrow, i'll be writing about the classic new year resolution. or at least i'll keep writing until 2012 come whether its about the resolution or not. see ya later!

--v

3 days to 2012

2011-12-29T08:48:00.003+07:00

i'm home for christmas and new year's holiday. during this holiday i've cut my hair short, met my high school friends, shopping on year end sale, and yesterday i played air soft gun with my college friends (this was the most random activity but it turned out incredibly fun!) then met my junior high girls. that was pretty much half things to do on my holiday list. and today since i don't have any plan my mom ask me to accompany my sister with her broken leg to watch her marching band practice. my holiday's been quite productive so far. but since now i don't have any more plan maybe tomorrow's gonna be those lifeless holiday. it's still 3 days to 2012 so i won't be doing the new year resolution post or the 2011 walk-trough post. maybe later. see ya tomorrow!

--v

love talk 2nd

2011-12-10T00:57:00.004+07:00

it's been a while since the last real post about this topic. so i just met a friend who's still going through that hard post-breaking-up time. she cried and talk about how she miss him. we took her out to forget about everything and unexpectedly she met her ex there. and of course this ruined her night instantly.

and then i read my old post --> love talk which i wrote 3 years ago when i was in high school. those time when i haven't experience anything about love while everyone around me started having those relationship drama.

to be honest, it's confusing me, how that thing can effect so much on people behaviors. sometimes laugh, sometimes cry, sometimes angry, or else. but maybe that's the fun of loving. once again just 'maybe'.

well, i do want to fall in love, who doesn't? but i think it's not something to be rushed for. i'm enjoying myself right now, to not having such confusing thing like that. i'm happy enough to be a listener, it taught me a lot. it is fun to hear about their love life that i often smile just by listening

to read that post now, it's really funny because even when i have experience it once, i still feel the same way as before. confused. well, my first relationship didn't go that well either. it might be one of the reason i'm still confused.

falling in love is hard. i don't get those people who can fall in and out of love hundred times in a short period. that's suicidal. failing once is enough for making me a bit scared to put a big trust again to anyone. but at the same time it's fun to have someone to care for. the anxiety, the butterflies, the racing heartbeat, and many of those little things. miraculous and unexpected. just like the scene i wrote earlier about my friend. she said she miss him, but when she actually met him, she wish she didn't. isn't it confusing huh?

well love is one big never ending topic to talk about. i'm not really sure if i'm ready for another love experience or not. but like i once said before it's not something to be rushed for. just let the miracle speaks on his own. i know it's cliche but what can i do? haha

--v

less talk, do more... for real

2011-12-09T16:48:00.006+07:00

okay with this post, i promise myself to actually DO this short list of action :

1. move out of this crappy signal place

2. pull up my grade

3. getting a short haircut

4. balancing HMTL and MBWG

5. gaining more self confidence

mission start!

--v

2011-12-04T01:21:00.002+07:00

baru saja menasihati seseorang untuk sesekali melakukan apa yang ia mau, bukan melulu hanya demi menjaga apa yang sudah ada dan menyenangkan orang-orang di sekitarnya. nyatanya sampai sekarang diri sendiri pun belum bisa melakukannya. berbicara memang selalu lebih mudah. habis mau bagaimana lagi? untuk mengikuti keinginan sendiri pasti akan ada pihak yang dirugikan. atau mungkin pada dasarnya keinginan-keinginan itu adalah salah dan memang tidak seharusnya dipenuhi. pemikiran itu sudah saya tanamkan setiap hari. tapi keinginan untuk sesekali menjadi egois itu semakin lama semakin besar dan saya semakin merasa bersalah karenanya. mengapa saya tidak bisa tulus dalam menyenangkan orang lain? seharusnya kalau memang ingin tidak merugikan pihak lain, lakukanlah dengan ikhlas, bukan seperti ini caranya. atau sekalian saja jadi orang jahat, daripada munafik. ah, ya, saya memang munafik.

--v

let the brain take over

2011-11-26T09:28:00.004+07:00

and what the hell are you thinking vit?? you know you'll get a huge problem if you still wish to continue doing this. you'll hurt not only yourself but others. this is the part where you definitely can't follow your ego. please just stop before it's too late, you'll regret it.

--v

Last 4 months

2011-11-15T21:33:00.004+07:00

DIES 40th MBWG. 3 full band's, 1 fractional's performance. it's been my daily routine for the last 4 months, and finally it's all done! another big event, another hectic days, another stressful nights, another experience, another excitement, and the first standing ovation i've ever get along my entire life in MBWG. seriously, it was all worth the hardwork.

once again thanks to all waditra ganesha's marching geeks especially my ladies in color guard :)

to add on, we're showing a collaboration performance of color guard MBWG with ITB student orchestra and ITB's choir (PSM) --> "Rumah Kita" it's the first time for us (2009 ex- coach's assistants team) in choreographing a whole performance and my part was in single-double (the blue flag at the end). it's far from perfect but there's this weirdly nice feeling in watching the video all over again. still got a looooong way to go, hope we could get better and better.

--v

Cantik

2011-11-05T21:31:00.004+07:00

cantik, ingin rasa hati berbisik

untuk melepas keresahan dirimu, oh

cantik, bukan ku ingin mengganggumu

tapi apa arti merindu selalu ooh

walau mentari terbit di utara

hatiku hanya untukmu

ada hati yang termanis dan penuh cinta

tentu saja kan ku balas seisi jiwa

tiada lagi tiada lagi yang ganggu kita

ini kesungguhan, sungguh aku sayang kamu

(kahitna)

one of the great indonesian sing along song

--v

invisible

2011-10-30T09:51:00.003+07:00

hi there, let me introduce myself. i'm the invisible girl. i'm an expert in being invisible, of course. it's been my super power. so strong that sometimes i can't control it. how do i get it? no big effort really. it's people around me who shines more and i will just stand there being invisible. yeah well sometimes it's good, sometimes it's suck.

no i'm not mad with them, with those shining people. they 're my friends. my family, people who've been my world, i got no problem with them. don't take me wrong, i like being invisible. i love to stay out of trouble and not get involve. but lately i feel pity for myself. i can't get people i want to impress --not that i have one tough, but sooner or later i'll get to that phase-- to see me just because i'm that unattractive and forgettable. hm sounds pathetic.

i don't know if i'm really that invisible or it's just people around me who are too bright. maybe both. sometimes i'm amazed of how attractive they are. not about the physical appearance but in personality, they have their own way to shine. or maybe it's just my destiny to fill the minor cast of their life story, the A's daughter, the B's sister, the C's friend, etc. well if they said everybody have their own story, mine would be the side story which people don't bother to listen.

actually i don't mind being the behind-the-scene guy who help the lead role get the perfect happy ending. my invisibility haven't bring me to a big trouble so far so i think i don't need to think about this any further. no conclusion as always. this just a random thought which will pass anyway. i know someday i'll find a way to figure this out but until then, i think i'm still gonna stick with my invisible life, somehow i enjoy it haha

--v

2011-10-29T12:02:00.004+07:00

sometimes i don't care at all and feel nothing about it.

but sometimes it hurts like it's just yesterday

and in time i realize more than one year has passed...

...i feel like a joke.

shitty

--v

halo

2011-10-16T20:05:00.002+07:00

wah lama-lama udah makin sepi ya blognya. bolehlah nyampah kali-kali. hm sebenernya gue rajin buka-buka blog ini, rajin bikin post baru malahan tapi kebanyakan udah nulis panjang lebar terus abis itu diapus lagi haha. emang harus dibiasain ngga boleh ngeluh-ngeluh terus di sini kok. oke deh ngga tau lagi mau nulis apa sekarang. undur diri saja deh saya. bye.

--v

2011-10-15T11:35:00.002+07:00

jika dihadapkan kepada sebuah pertanyaan, selalu ada 2 pilihan untuk menemukan jawabannya. mencari atau menunggu. mulailah dengan mencari sampai tidak ada pilihan lain selain menunggu. ketika menunggu adalah jalan terakhir dan tetap tidak ada jawabnya, beralihlah menuju pertanyaan lain. karena berarti jawaban dari pertanyaan itu tidak akan ada gunanya.

--v

sinikalitas

2011-09-25T20:40:00.004+07:00

ketika kamu membuka mata

tersenyum pada langit pagi, kicauan burung, dan tiap tetes embun

menularkan kebahagiaan di setiap sapaan

menciptakan energi positif di sekitarmu

tidak apa-apa, pagi ini sempurna, hari ini akan baik-baik saja

ketika langit tertutup awan

dan hujan kembali turun

betapa menyejukannya aroma rumput yang basah

betapa cerianya senyuman pelangi yang muncul

tidak apa-apa, siang ini menyenangkan, aku baik-baik saja

ketika cahaya matahari mulai menghilang

dan sekilas bulan mengintip

kunang-kunang beterbangan di sekitarmu

bintang-bintang berkedip menemani langkah pulangmu

tidak apa-apa, malam ini sangat indah, aku masih baik-baik saja

ketika di penghujung hari kamu menutup mata

ketika mereka semua tidak dapat terlihat

dan alam tidak lagi dapat memalsukan isi hatimu

dan semua pikiran yang telah kamu hindari kembali hadir

kamu memejamkan matamu lebih erat

menghiraukan luka yang kembali terbuka

mengacuhkan ganjalan besar pada hatimu

berpura-pura tidak merasakan air mata yang akan segera mengalir

tidak apa-apa, pagi akan segera datang, dan aku akan kembali baik-baik saja

semua akan baik-baik saja

--v

2011-09-14T00:21:00.002+07:00

saya tahu sangat banyak orang yang kehidupannya jauh lebih sulit. saya tahu saya termasuk orang yang sangat beruntung. saya tahu saya sangat tidak pantas untuk mengeluh. tapi maaf,untuk sekarang saya sudah lelah berusaha mempertahankan energi positif itu. capek. ya, akhirnya kata-kata itu terucapkan juga. capek selalu membandingkan masalah saya yang sama sekali tidak ada apa-apanya dibandingkan dengan masalah mereka. capek terus mengingatkan diri sendiri kalau apa yang saya rasakan sama sekali bukan hal yang patut dipermasalahkan. capek senantiasa membohongi diri sendiri dan mengatakan kalau saya baik-baik saja. bagaimana kabar saya? tidak, kabar saya tidak baik-baik saja. saya sendiri tidak tahu kenapa. mungkin karena terlalu sering ditimpa kepura-puraan sampai saya sendiri tidak tahu di mana letak sumbernya. entahlah, saya hanya ingin menghela nafas sejenak malam ini. biarlah otak saya berkecamuk menentang keegoisan yang sekarang saya lakukan. terserah. saya terlalu capek untuk kembali bertengkar dengan pikiran saya yang lain. sudah terlalu lama saya berperan sebagai figuran di kehidupan saya sendiri. saya sedang ingin menjadi si peran utama, si pusat dunia, atau apapun sebutannya itu. maaf untuk semua kenegatifan yang telah saya tularkan di sini. semoga besok pagi saya bisa mengembalikan energi positif yang telah terbuang ini.

--v

crying

2011-08-25T15:12:00.003+07:00

the only one good thing about it is you could get tired, fell asleep, and forget everything for a while.

--v

reasons i don't talk

2011-08-15T23:55:00.002+07:00

i have nothing to say
i can't carry on a conversation to save my life
i really don't care about what you have to say
i'm socially awkward
i don't know how to say what i'm thinking
my voice sounds weird
i probably hate you

true, true

--v

dream stuff, again

2011-08-03T11:35:00.002+07:00

that one person start coming to my dreams again, five night straight. well it's just a dream. no big deal, i hope. just don't come again tonight, it kinda troubling me, thanks :)

--v

kapan?

2011-07-28T22:31:00.007+07:00

Firasat - Marcell

kemarin kulihat awan membentuk wajahmu

desah angin meniupkan namamu

tubuhku terpaku

semalam bulan sabit melengkungkan senyummu

tabur bintang serupa kilau auramu

akupun sadari, ku segera berlari

cepat pulang

cepat kembali jangan pergi lagi

firasatku ingin kau tuk cepat pulang

cepat kembali jangan pergi lagi

alirnya bagai sungai yang mendamba samudera

ku tahu pasti ke mana kan ku bermuara

semoga ada waktu, sayangku

ku percaya alampun berbahasa

ada makna di balik semua pertanda

firasat ini rasa rindukah ataukah hanya bayang

aku tak peduli, ku terus berlari

dan lihatlah sayang

hujan terus membasahi

seolah turun air mata

cepat pulang

cepat kembali jangan pergi lagi

firasatku ingin kau tuk cepat pulang

cepat kembali jangan pergi lagi

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

nice simple love song, beautiful lyrics. jaman sekarang lagu2 indonesia liriknya udh pada ngga beres. padahal untuk lagu cinta aja ada banyak kata2 yg bisa diexplore biar lebih "menyentuh". kalo lagu cintanya aja udh ngga beres gimana yang lain ckckck. kapan ya bisa bener lagi?

--v

weirdest nightmare

2011-07-28T11:38:00.003+07:00

selama ini gue mengalami mimpi-mimpi aneh yang sering gue sebutkan ternyata belom ada yg seaneh sekarang. mimpi buruk, mungkin bisa dibilang begitu. gue pernah beberapa kali mimpi yg bisa dibilang cukup jelek tapi setelah gue bangun ya udah, selesai masalah, santai2 lagi.

yang sekarang ini ceritanya adalah setelah solat subuh seperti biasa gue tidur lagi, terus barulah di situ gue mimpi mama meninggal. gue ngga tau penyebabnya apa, gue ngga melihat jasadnya, gue ngga ada di pemakamannya atau apapun. pokoknya saat itu gue lagi bareng temen2 gue dan tiba2 gue tau kalo mama udah meninggal. ya namanya juga mimpi, gue nangis, tapi malah tetep ngelanjutin aktivitas gue saat itu (lupa apaan), berusaha nahan nangis tapi ngga bisa. terus tiba2 gue ketemu papa, kakak, sama uli. keliatan dari matanya kalo mereka abis nangis juga, tapi di sana mereka malah senyum sambil nenangin diri sendiri.

abis itu tiba2 gue kebangun dengan mata udah basah dan sembab sambil sesenggukan. refleks gue bbmin mama tapi ngga sampe2. gue makin panik dan akhirnya ngebbm papa nanya mama dimana dan ngasih tau kalo gue mimpi itu. yang bikin aneh adalah gue sadar total kalo itu cuma mimpi, gue sendiri saat itu merasa gue melakukan tindakan yang sangat konyol, tapi entah kenapa gue tetep panik dan ngga bisa ngontrol. butuh beberapa waktu sampe akhirnya gue tenang sendiri dan tau kalo mama baru sampe bandara jadi bbmnya baru sampe.

oh betapa betapa konyolnya kejadian pagi ini. gue bukanlah keluarga unyu yg dgn gampangnya ngmg "aku sayang mama papa" kayak gitu. kita adalah keluarga dengan gengsi yg cukup tinggi antar pribadinya. jarang banget curhat2an satu sama lain, ngga pernah malah kayaknya, apalagi pembicaraan heart to heart. makanya kalo mungkin beberapa orang menganggap kejadian ini adalah wajar, tapi mengakui kalo gue nangis gara2 mimpi mama meninggal, bahkan cuma lewat bbm adalah cukup memalukan bagi gue. ralat, sangat memalukan. super konyol sumpah ngga ngerti lagi. earth, just please swallow me right now. maaf lebay.

selama ini yang gue tau emang kalo seseorang dimimpiin meninggal katanya malah panjang umur. yah itu jg yg dibilangin mama sm papa pas gue cerita "doain aja ya mama panjang umur" gue sih mengamini sajaaa.. haduh ngga lagi2 deh mimpi model begini haahh~

--v

old stuff

2011-07-08T00:14:00.006+07:00

hari-hari belakangan ini gue bener2 mengulang memori banget. kemarin2 waktu gue main ke rumah wasi, kita nemuin buku laknat yang berisi sebuah cerita yang dulu kita bikin waktu jaman kelas 2 SMP. demi penguasa bumi dan surga, itu yang namanya ketawa ngga berenti dari awal sampe akhir waktu gue baca. norak senorak noraknya norak versi anak labil yang sungguh naif dan menggelikan. berkat buku itu kita ngga berenti ngomongin betapa bodohnya masa-masa SMP super kelam itu.

mulai dari cerita yang ngga pernah terlewatkan tp ngga pernah bosen untuk diceritain yaitu hari pertama wasi si murid pindahan dari irian : baju masuk, dasi dikancing, rambut diiket dan dimasukiin ke dalem topi, duduk manis di kelas dengan tangan terlipat di atas meja, hahahah. terus juga waktu kita bolos dengerin ceramah bulan puasa dan malah main UNO di kelas geografi tapi ketauan sama guru BP dan kita kabur mencar dan gue ngumpet di toilet cowok. inget semua lagu-lagu pelesetan bego yang kita bikin. ngarang2 cerita horor sekolah sendiri untuk dimasukkin ke rubrik cerita horor majalah sekolah, seenaknya mentang2 anak jurnalistik (yg otomatis adalah anggota redaksi majalah). cerita aleth si murid pindahan, satu2nya murid yang seragamnya punya badge nama sendiri : kalo ada yg mau kenalan "namanya siapa?" yg lain nyeletuk "itu seragamnya ada namanya kali". ngga peduli masalah pelajaran, sekolah, percintaan, penampilan, pokoknya yang penting hepi sepanjang hari. betapa bocahnya dulu kita kalo dibandingin sama anak2 SMP jaman sekarang.

terus tadi lagi2 gue kembali ngebacain post2 lama dari awal banget sampe sekarang. dari ketawa sampe jijik sendiri liatnya. astaghfirullah. gue juga ngebacain post2 lama dari blog temen2 gue yang lain. ya Tuhan, kagum banget betapa waktu bener2 bisa ngubah segalanya.

out of topic : sekarang gue bener2 pengen nonton Harry Potter. oke, emang ngga nyambung tapi beneran udah ngga sabar. gue belom liat trailernya sama sekali karena kemaren2 ada gosip HP ngga bakal tayang di Indonesia. nonton trailer hanya akan membuat gue semakin mupeng. untungnya tetep tayang hahay!

--v

3 years blogging

2011-07-06T00:38:00.004+07:00

well i've just realized that 4th of july is frosting finger's birthday! it's a bit late but still happy birthday to my silly beloved blog :)

i know everytime someone told me "hey i read your blog" i always covered up my ears and go "aaah! shut up i'm not listening lalala" but i don't hate it. i just felt embarrassed for knowing that. you know, i open up myself mostly in this blog. i told many things here even the biggest secret i've never told anyone about. some of them are written implicitly and well some of them i keep it in the draft for my own consuming. sometimes i get myself surprised for how stupid i am writing those on a blog but somehow i just love that sensation re-reading old posts.

i write blog purely for my own pleasure. never thought writing to be read nor to impress reader. that's why the people whom i told about this blog personally are my closest one. i've never put this to 'private blog' because i think they who read my blog (except those who i personally told) are care about me. no, it's not always the "care" in the postive way, it could be the opposite. it could be haters who just want to find something from me to talk and laugh about. but i don't care. still, they want to know more about me, right? hahaha.

well, it's been 3 years now and i just want to thank this blog for always listening to those silly stories, facilitating me to tell things i can't say out loud, for showing me my real personality, and for keep reminding me of who i really am. and i know i don't have that much reader but of course thanks to you too. for you who accidentally found this on blogwalking or who purposely search for my blog, for you who praise it or laugh at it, for everyone who have their time wasted in reading this lame blog. this is shallow but i'm happy to share it. thanks!

--v

i've noticed that

2011-07-05T00:41:00.004+07:00

the top of an ice cream cone is the best part of the whole thing
the comforting sensation from the smell of the rain and the smell of paper from the old book is somehow similar
dessert is the best thing ever happened to the culinary world
my right foot is larger than the left
i only have 3 lower incisors instead of 4
i can't stand having my finger nail grow longer
the plain sour sally kinda taste like play-doh
i'll start playing the nearest thing i can grab (like clicking pen, etc) whenever i feel awkward around people
blogging is my guilty pleasure
children above 3 years old are mostly annoying
i probably will never know why did the chicken cross the road

--v

once there was a little girl

2011-06-29T00:08:00.004+07:00

her name is kika. my close friend at kindergaden, well, she's the only one i remember from kindergarden, and i don't even know her full name. she's really beautiful, long wavy hair, cute smile. no, i've never met her after graduated from there. wait, are they the right words "graduated from kindergarden"? nevermind. the only memory i had about her is that i've once went to her house once, play swing, eat ice cream. don't know why i still remember it. i'm curious how's she doing right now. and suddenly i feel sad out of nowhere. randomness, indeed.

--v

no comment

2011-06-25T22:43:00.004+07:00

suatu hari di dalam mobil berisi gue, uli, papa

uli : "tuh kak rumah jodoh pusat cinta hahaha" (nunjuk ke tulisan di jalan)

papa : "mau papa telfonin vit?"

suatu hari di tempat pengambilan tiket parkir otomatis, terdengar suara mba2 otomatis ngomong

suara mba2 otomatis : "selamat....."(papa pencet tombol)"silahkan masuk"

papa : "kok slamet silahkan masuk? nama papa kan bukan slamet"

suatu hari di saat uli megangin lengan atas papa

uli : "ih papah tangannya lembek"

vita : "sepedaan doang sih jd yg olah raga kakinya aja"

papa : "enak aja olah raga dong tangannya juga"

vita : "apaan?"

papa : "megang stang"

--v

mengulang

2011-06-23T23:12:00.002+07:00

beberapa hari yang lalu gue abis ngobrol sama temen gue ngalor ngidul membahas gosip yang beredar dan berujung pada topik betapa serunya punya gebetan waktu jaman SMA. yah mungkin juga karena dia agak setipe sama gue masalah lelaki ini jadi cukup seru.

kita sama2 setuju kalo suka sama orang itu lebih seru daripada disukai tapi kita sama2 susah untuk suka orang. seumur hidup gue baru suka sama orang 2x sementara dia yg serius suka cuma 1x. pertama kali gue suka sama orang jaman sma selama kira2 1,5 taun sementara dia udah suka dari sd sampe sma selama 6 taun. hahah ekstrim emang doi.

konsep 'suka' di sini entah beneran suka atau cuma ngefans gue jg ngga tau. yah mungkin cuma ngefans karena kita sama2 ngga deket dengan oknum ini. lucu aja kalo inget dulu kita sama2 sampe afal jadwal pelajarannya terutama yg keluar kelas seperti olah raga dan kadang2 sengaja keluar kelas demi ngeliat doang, girang ngga karuan kalo kebetulan papasan di koridor, tangga, atau kantin, ngeliatin dari jendela kelas dan pas ketauan saltingnya setengah mati, kesel denger dia jadian dan seneng waktu udh putus, tapi ngga pernah berani untuk kenalan lebih jauh. yah kalo kenal doang sih iya tapi cuma sekedar ngucapin selamat ultah di fb atau msnan sekali dua kali. tapi cuma itu aja ngga lebih.

emang sih jadi semacam "bertepuk sebelah tangan" atau "cinta tak berbalas" atau istilah2 sinetron menggelikan lain yg semacam itu, tapi mungkin emang di situ serunya. bisa seneng banget cuma krn hal2 ngga penting kayak gitu, nebak-nebak tiap harinya, seneng sendiri, kesel sendiri, deg2an sendiri. dan yang paling penting itu adalah salah satu hal yang paling seru untuk dinostalgiakan. gue sendiri merasa bego banget kenapa dulu bisa kayak gitu tapi di sisi lain pengen lagi ngerasain hal yg sama. hm tapi kalo udah kuliah gini udah ngga seseru jaman sma kali ya haha. haah nostalgia memang menyenangkan :)

--v

bull's eye

2011-06-21T10:52:00.000+07:00

"i'd rather be a friendless loser, than having a bunch of friends that secretly hate me"

--v

Kisah Klasik untuk Masa Depan

2011-06-19T22:27:00.010+07:00

jabat tanganku, mungkin untuk yang terakhir kali

kita berbincang tentang memori di masa itu

peluk tubuhku, usapkan juga air mataku

kita terharu seakan tiada bertemu lagi

bersenang-senanglah

karna hari ini yang kan kita rindukan

di hari nanti sebuah kisah klasik untuk masa depan

bersenang-senanglah

karna waktu ini yang kan kita banggakan

di hari tua

sampai jumpa kawanku

smoga kita selalu

menjadi sebuah kisah klasik untuk masa depan

sampai jumpa kawanku

smoga kita selalu

menjadi sebuah kisah klasik untuk masa depan

mungkin diriku masih ingin bersama kalian

mungkin jiwaku masih haus sanjungan kalian

(a song from sheila on 7)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

lagu perpisahan yang paling ngena dari SD sampe sekarang. all time favorite.

--v

2011-06-13T14:07:00.003+07:00

"Kita nggak mempertanyakan apa pun yang terjadi secara otomatis, sampai terjadi penyimpangan dan kita mulai mempertanyakan itu. Kita nggak akan mempertanyakan kenapa kita bahagia sampai kita tahu kita sedih. Kita nggak akan mempertanyakan kenapa kita suka lawan jenis kita, sampai kita tahu orang yang menyukai sesama jenis. Kita nggak akan mempertanyakan kenapa kita beragama, sampai ada orang yang tidak beragama"

(Karena Kita Tidak Kenal - Farida Susanty)

Perbedaan membuat kita mencari tahu apa yang sebenarnya kita jalani, dan ketika kamu mendapatkan jawabannya, berterimakasihlah kepada orang-orang yang berbeda itu, karena tanpa mereka kamu hanya robot yang diprogram oleh kebudayaan. Jadi, terima kasih :)

--v

bandung sejenak

2011-06-11T01:25:00.004+07:00

sebenernya ke bandung hanya demi ngumpul panitia acara wisuda juli, yah sekalian temu alumni MBWG juga sih tp itu tujuan sampingan. kemaren2 malesss banget rasanya ke bandung walaupun minggu juga udh pulang lagi. tp ternyata ada baiknya juga gue ke bandung.

entah kenapa dengan ke bandung gue seperti mendapat sedikit pencerahan. ngga berkaitan sedikitpun dengan apa yang terjadi di sini, cuma tiba2 gue bisa berpikir lebih jernih aja. ada sedikit perasaan lega entah karena apa. aneh emang. ngga tau, dan ngga mau tau. gue udah ngga mau kebanyakan mikir lagi. biarin aja apa yang gue pikirkan, rasakan, dan lakukan itu tanpa alasan kalau emang harus begitu.

"karena gue mau" udah cukup bisa dibilang sebagai alasannya. kadang-kadang emang ada kan hal-hal yang ngga bisa dijelasin secara logis. capek kalo dipikirin terus buang-buang tenaga dan ngga ketemu juga jawabannya. lagipula ngga ada salahnya ngasih istirahat untuk otak di saat liburan kayak gini. ikutinlah kata hati sejenak. tanpa dengerin apa kata orang, tanpa 'marahin' diri sendiri krn bertentangan dgn prinsip hidup lo atau krn menurunkan gengsi lo, tanpa mikirin apa yang akan terjadi nantinya selama ngga ada pihak yang dirugikan. kadang-kadang dengan begitu lo bisa lepas dari dunia lo sendiri dan bisa ngeliat yang lain lebih jelas.

ya, liburan ini bakal menjadi liburan untuk si otak yang telah diforsir cukup lama. don't know why but i'm feeling so positive right now. mungkin ini cuma sekedar temporary mind-blow yang bakal berubah lagi nantinya. tapi sepertinya cukup berguna kalo gue post. siapa tau bisa untuk ngingetin ke depannya kalo lagi baca2 ulang. happy holiday fellas :)

--v

on the night like this

2011-06-06T22:49:00.004+07:00

On the night like this

There're so many things I want to tell you

On the night like this

There're so many things I want to show you

Cause when you're around

I feel safe and warm

Cause when you're around

I can fall in love every day

In the case like this

There are a thousand good reasons

I want you to stay...

(a song from mocca)

--v

legenda jus campur

2011-06-04T09:44:00.007+07:00

cerita ini semula berawal dari beberapa tahun yang lalu ketika mama termakan rayuan sebuah demo produk yaitu sebuah juicer. mama rajin ngebuatin kita jus pagi2 tiap weekend. dulu kreasi mama cuma sebatas wortel, apel, dan jeruk yang dicampur dan itu masih enak. sayangnya kreativitas mama semakin meningkat. berbagai macam buah seperti nanas, melon, tambah madu, sampe yang mulai ngga jelas bengkoang, timun, bahkan buncis dan brokoli. seriously. buncis. dan brokoli. bahkan papa pernah ngebuang jusnya ke WC saking ngga mau minumnya (yang terus diikuti oleh ke3 anaknya).

namun layaknya tokoh antagonis film thriller yang tidak pernah mati, mama ngga kehabisan akal. lebih parah, mama tetep memproduksi jus campur dengan frekuensi yang meningkat dari tiap weekend menjadi tiap hari. dan curangnya mama ngasih jus itu ke kita pagi pagi banget pas kita semua masih tidur. jadi kita disamperin satu-satu, dibangunin, dan dicekokin jus campur dalam keadaan setengah sadar yang mau ngga mau pasti diminum. dan sebenernya kita udah lama curiga kalo mama sendiri sepertinya ngga pernah minum jus campur buatannya sendiri.

si juicer dewa ini sedikit berkurang performanya dari tahun ke tahun dan akhirnya jarang dipake lagi, tapi keadaan ngga membaik sampai di sini. satu produk baru yang terkutuk muncul. semacam food processor tapi gue ngga tau pastinya itu apa. jadi juicer itu pada dasarnya cuma ngambil sari2nya aja dan ampasnya dibuang, jadi hasilnya hanya berupa cairan. sedangkan benda yang satu ini adalah tidak memisahkan antara ampas dan cairan. jadilah segelas cairan kental dengan warna2 yg mencurigakan seperti coklat kusam, ijo tua, dan sejenisnya, dan seringkali masih terdapat bongkahan sesuatu entah apa yang masih harus dikunyah. dan dari hari ke hari makin ngga jelas isinya apa.

dengan prosedur pemberian di pagi hari itu, yang biasanya gue main langsung minum aja sambil tahan nafas selama beberapa detik terus langsung tidur lagi, tidak lagi bisa dilakukan. karena teksturnya kental otomatis minumnya harus pelan2 dan itu........................hhhhhhhh (speechless). intinya gue akan sadar lebih cepat dari biasanya atau kalaupun bisa tidur lagi, itu ngga bakal nyenyak. dan tiba2 gue menyadari gelas yang dipake kayanya makin lama makin gede deh. astaghfirullah.

protes? itu udh jadi kegiatan terlarang untuk kita. dulu semua orang udah protes tentang jus campur ini dan nyatanya jus campur masih tetep harus diminum dengan bonus ceramahan mama. yah pada akhirnya gue, kakak, uli, dan papa cuma bisa ngomongin bisik2 di blakang. sedih.

yah gue tau kok kalo mama cuma mau keluarganya sehat. gue tau mama udah ngorbanin waktunya tiap pagi sebelum berangkat kerja cuma buat itu. gue dengerin kok omelan2 mama tentang hidup sehat dan sebagainya kalo pas gue protes tentang jusnya. makanya selama ini biarpun dengan sangat amat super duper hyper mega bonus berat hati sama jus campur itu, toh gue tetep minum juga pada akhirnya.

makasih ya mah.......................

....................................................

..........................tapi plis lain kali bikin yang normalan dikiiiiiit TT--TT

--v

*p.s. baru sadar ini pertama kalinya gue mempublish 2 post yang berbeda dalam 1 hari

Sabtu, 4 Juni 2011

2011-06-04T08:02:00.003+07:00

bangun tidur gara2 mama teriak2 nyariin dompetnya ilang (akhirnya ketemu) dan sedikit karena mimpi aneh2an lagi. papa ke semarang, mama mau ke tegal, uli mau ke sekolah, kakak mau MBan. sepertinya hari ini gue bakal melanjutkan kegiatan berkarat di rumah lagi setelah kemaren seharian diselingin pergi sama wasi aleth dan nonton scream 4, bedanya sekarang gue sendirian.

mungkin nanti bakal lanjutin how i met your mother lagi, atau lanjutin baca peter pan, atau nyari orang yg bisa diajak pergi? hah ini susahnya kalo kampusnya libur duluan, org2 lain masih sibuk berkutat dengan tugas2 dan uas jadi susah diajakin pergi. balik bandung aja apa ya? hmm

ngomong2 kemaren gue abis nonton scream 4, yah lumayanlah. udah lama gue ngga nonton film kaget2an kayak gitu. tapi capek banget nontonnya. sadisnya sih biasa aja ngga aneh2 tapi kagetnya itu yang bikin capek.

oh yah sepertinya gue blm cerita tp minggu lalu gue ke bali 3 malem. selain belanja tujuan kita ke bali itu foto2. tapi dengan cantiknya berkat papah yang paling caem kamera satu2nya yang dibawa nyemplung ke air pas di pantai...... di hari kedua.. pagi hari. nyeh jadi wkt itu terpaksa mengandalkan kamera bb yang ngga keren itu. tp akhirnya sih doi minjem kamera ke temennya yg tinggal di bali.

lalu sekarang ceritanya gue udah siap mengupload foto2 di bali yg kemaren dan kamera yg nyemplung sudah di tangan. masih belom bisa nyala, masih berpasir. pas memory cardnya dibuka di laptop gue bingung kenapa cuma adanya foto2 lama doang, yg di bali ngga ada. terus si mamah bilang

mama : "yg di kamera itu sama yg di kamera om sofyan (temen bokap yg layaknya malaikat meminjamkan kamera) wkt itu udh dipindahin semua ke laptop papah"

vita : "terus laptopnya dimana?"

mama : "tapi laptop papa lagi bermasalah katanya"

jadi sekarang foto2 itu terancam punah lagi berkat papaku yang caem lagi. yasudalah.

pengen makan tapi masih enek gara2 jus campur mamah tadi pagi. oh sepertinya ini jg belom pernah gue bahas di sini. abis ini gue akan buat postingan khusus membahas dilema rumah tangga yg terjadi pada gue, kakak, uli, dan papa hingga detik ini.

oke ntar lanjut lagi... kalo mood

--v

mermaids, pirates, fairies, peter pan, neverland

2011-06-01T00:10:00.007+07:00

source : here

...who would pirouette so wildly that all you could see of her was the kiss, and then if you had dashed at her you might have got it

----------

"Wendy," he continued, in a voice that no woman has ever yet been able to resist, "Wendy, one girl is more use than twenty boys."

Now Wendy was every inch a woman, though there were not very many inches, and she peeped out of the bed-clothes.

"Do you really think so, Peter?"

"Yes, I do."

----------

"You see, Wendy, when the first baby laughed for the first time, its laugh broke into a thousand pieces, and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies."

Tedious talk this, but being a stay-at-home she liked it.

"And so," he went on good-naturedly, "there ought to be one fairy for every boy and girl."

"Ought to be? Isn't there?"

"No. You see children know such a lot now, they soon don't believe in fairies, and every time a child says, `I don't believe in fairies,' there is a fairy somewhere that falls down dead."

----------

Peter was not quite like other boys; but he was afraid at last. A tremour ran through him, like a shudder passing over the sea; but on the sea one shudder follows another till there are hundreds of them, and Peter felt just the one. Next moment he was standing erect on the rock again, with that smile on his face and a drum beating within him. It was saying, "To die will be an awfully big adventure."

----------

"To find your mother," she coaxed.

Now, if Peter had ever quite had a mother, he no longer missed her. He could do very well without one. He had thought them out, and remembered only their bad points.

"No, no," he told Wendy decisively; "perhaps she would say I was old, and I just want always to be a little boy and to have fun."

----------

--v

that sweet cake-frosting

2011-05-22T13:13:00.005+07:00

that sweet cake-frosting

it's all creamy and tempting the first time you see it

but you don't eat them all up

you keep it in a fridge

one day you look for it again and think

'oh it still look good just like the last time i left them'

you're expecting the soft texture once you put your finger in it

but it's not

they're just cold and frozed up

you're disappointed

'well hey maybe if i took it out of fridge and wait in minutes,

it'll will melt and go back the same as before'

you waited long enough

but still nothing changed

you're curious and cracked it up

they're just turned into powder

a frosting-sugar powder

then you realized you've been keeping it in fridge for too long

you think it'll be the same because the looks doesn't change

you don't know that every single thing inside it has changed

and you'll never be able to fix it

you can't do anything about it

--v

"pangeran lo tuh vit" -fedriz-

2011-05-19T16:15:00.010+07:00

di salah satu malam TC buat IOMBC

ihsan : duh udah jam bego nih pantes drtd ngga bisa2

vita : (liat jam) hah orang masih jam 9 gitu. jam bego kan ntar tengah malem

ihsan : jam bego gue fleksibel vit

di saat2 stres latian gue dan sasri sedang cacat menggunakan riffle sebagai telepon

vita : (taro riffle di kuping) halo halo saas bosen nih guee

sasri : (dengan pose yg sama) halo halo vit iya nih gue juga bosenn ayo kita telfon ihsaan haha

vita : ayo ayo! halo halo ihsaaan

(ihsan duduk megang riffle ngga bergeming)

sasri : halo saan angkat doong telfonnyaa

(tetep ngga bergeming)

vita : ah ihsan ngga asik ah

ihsan : (mencet2 riffle pake jempol) bentar ya gue lagi sms-an nih

di salah satu latihan gerakan pasangan sebelum uji coba lapangan

vita : san pas lo nengok ke gue ekspresinya harusnya penuh cinta.. senyumnya ngga usah pake ngangkat alis dong yg ada gue ketawa mulu

ihsan : oke deh vit

(beberapa saat kemudian)

ihsan : eh tapi kan bukannya kalo di film2 percintaan gitu cowoknya selalu ngangkat alis ya?

vita : hah??

ihsan : ah payah lo vit ngga pernah nonton film2 percintaan

di ruang alat ketika gue lg mau praktikum

vita : gila males bgt praktikuum! plis gantiin gue san

ihsan : yaelah yaudah sini gue gantiin

vita : emang lo tau gue praktikumnya ngapain?

ihsan : anak TL praktikumnya ngukur2 rumput gitu kan?

vita : err san kenapa lo berasumsi kayak gitu -__-

ihsan : yakan kalo geodesi ngukur2 tanah, berarti TL ngukurin rumput

vita : hahahah ngapain rumput diukur? lagian mikrobiologi lingkungan kan di lab bukan di lapangan

ihsan : oh pake mikroskop ya? kalo gitu berarti nyabutin rumput terus diamatin di mikroskop kan?

nice try boi

--v

pello-boy

2011-05-18T22:52:00.004+07:00

indra : selamat ulang taun ya vit!

vita : mana kadonya??

indra : (ngeluarin dompet) bentar ya gue cari pas foto gue dulu

vita : hahah yaudah sini buruan ntar gue santet

indra : (teriak2 dengan muka girang) waah vita mau nyantet gue looh! ciee ciee vita mau nyantet gue!

vita : ......ndra gue ngomongnya nyantet loh bukan pelet

indra : oh betul juga ya

--v

May 16th 2011

2011-05-16T23:30:00.001+07:00

still amazed how a year can change almost everything

--v

top 10 myths about introverts

2011-05-09T09:25:00.001+07:00

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.

This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.

Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.

Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.

On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.

Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.

Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. Butthey can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.

Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.

Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.

Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.

Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

Boom.

--v

dog days are over

2011-05-08T19:41:00.002+07:00

Happiness hit her like a train on a track

Coming towards her stuck still no turning back

She hid around corners and she hid under beds

She killed it with kisses and from it she fled

With every bubble she sank with her drink

And washed it away down the kitchen sink

The dog days are over

The dog days are done

The horses are coming

So you better run

Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father

Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers

Leave all your love and your longing behind

You cant carry it with you if you want to survive

The dog days are over

The dog days are done

Can you hear the horses?

Because here they come

And I never wanted anything from you

Except everything you had and what was left after that too, oh

Happiness hit her like a bullet in the head

Struck from a great height by someone who should know better than that

The dog days are over

The dog days are done

Can you hear the horses?

Because here they come

Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father

Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers

Leave all your loving, your loving behind

You cant carry it with you if you want to survive

The dog days are over

The dog days are done

Can you hear the horses?

Because here they come

The dog days are over

The dog days are done

The horses are coming

So you better run

(song from florence and the machine)

--v

hey friend!

2011-05-04T23:58:00.004+07:00

how are you? long time no see. did you realize that we've never met after i-don't-know-how-long-it-was? well we have, physically, but it's not you. i don't know if it's just my opinion or not but you've changed too much, like you're somebody else. of course we are in a different world now, but it's just different with you compared to the others. i still can be myself in front of them but not you. and yes, you treated me differently with the others. i feel like we're both faking to each other.

do you know i've tried so hard to ignore the fact that you ignore me? i've been keeping you on my best friends list, top 5. but i feel like you don't put me in your list. i'm not even sure if you consider me as a close friend or not. am i just an ex-close friend? cause now i feel like you don't need me at all, and you're not there when i need you. you don't care. i don't feel like you're trying even just to fake it.

maybe you've found your new best friend, maybe i'm not beautiful, or smart, or cool enough to be your friend, or maybe you just don't trust me from the beginning, maybe i'm just not giving you any good if we stay friends. i don't know. i'm angry but to be honest mostly i'm sad, really. it's like a heartbreak in a case of one-sided love, only it's not about that kind of love, it's more about the person you trust doesn't trust you back.

i miss you. so damn much. i'm sorry if i can't give you any use, i'm sorry if you think i'm a bad friend, i'm sorry if maybe you feel like i'm changing too. i know i'm just too naive but the truth is i'm still putting you on that top person list. maybe what we're going through now is just a short phase that can pass by. maybe, i hope so. i just really don't wanna lose another person that i trust again

--v

by the way, it's may

2011-05-02T00:05:00.005+07:00

daily dose of randomness, i think i need those. like maybe get bitchy with the girls talking nonsense about some people we hate, like really mean. don't care whether it's right or wrong. or just going some place randomly with random people without any plan. some weird unexpected place, being such a fool, having a great time. don't think about time, date, month, year, just having fun. and the next day when i wake up, i'm laughing my ass off for what i've done that day. but in fact it'll be a good memory you can't forget. yeah i miss doing things like that.

fyi, i'm done. with that thingy. for the first time i really really don't care about it anymore. i guess i'm just too fed up and it reached the phase when i can't feel that anymore. well, not completely, there's still a bit yeah you know. but i don't care, it's enough thanks. i'm glad for what had happened before and what i've been going through. but i've had enough. i don't know if someday something happens out of my plan but for now i've decided to stop for real and actually i can. and it feels good.

my may wish, hmm, for now i wish everything i've chosen or i'm going to choose will be the right thing for me. i know this post have no correlation in every sentences. who cares? it's not like i've written any good post in this blog. i think i'm going to bed now. bye.

--v

another self-conflict. sigh.

2011-04-28T17:48:00.003+07:00

21.6.10
dear my blog
i don't know why but i think i kinda always choose the wrong decision lately. regret won't help so there's no regret of course. but it makes me a bit confuse for what to choose next. also makes me wonder for the big things i've chosen, is it right or not. i'm losing to myself too much that makes me scared. thinking too much like that is just not me. just-keep-going is what i do, but that doesn't feel right and there's something uncomfortable about it. i keep running and avoiding any of that thoughts and in the end i got nothing. i guess i think i know myself well but in fact i don't. yea yea gadgets don't really need instruction manual, human do.

--v
-end-

that old post and realizing the date when i wrote it, adding the million evidences that i'm kinda stupid.

"i don't know why but i think i kinda always choose the wrong decision lately"
"also makes me wonder for the big things i've chosen, is it right or not"

yes, it's authentically proven by time. i've chosen the wrong decision. i know that very well. my brain's keep whispering "i told you so" like a million time and i'm a bit tired of it. even when honestly, i already know that it's wrong, i'm still covering my ears and shutting my brain up and taking action impulsively as always and said loudly that it was the right way to do. yeah it's just feel so right back then.

now, yes i've been lowering down my habit in doing those impulsive acts, but i don't feel so comfortable about it either. always overthink about something and in the end i don't pick any of the choice. i'm turning to someone i don't know. i miss the adrenaline of doing something i completely blind of. i miss taking risk. but when i'm about to doing something like that again my body and my mind refuse to do that. they're just too scared of the chance that the pain they once had can strike back again. like begging to me please please we don't want to get hurt again by your stupidity.and there's also a part of me that sort of like well if you can't impulsively do that, then that's not what you really want, there's no use to choose it.

and in time like this i always do the same lame thing. let the time decide. i mean who the hell is time to decide your choice? you just have no gut to take a chance vit, face it. haahh i don't really know what to do now. oh well can i just pass this?

--v

2011-04-26T00:44:00.003+07:00

in the end it's just another day you have to live with, right?

--v

betrayal

2011-04-23T23:13:00.008+07:00

how am i suppose to believe in anyone after this? nope i no longer can give a full trust on anyone from this point forward. i just can't. i don't care about being an introvert. i don't care if i have to keep everything inside. i don't care if someday i'm going to explode. i've had enough and i'm not gonna be that stupid girl anymore. thanks to you my 'friends'.

--v

2011-04-17T22:01:00.003+07:00

play and rewind. you won't notice what's going on in my head right now, related to this date. yeah i bet nobody remember it but me. think i'm just a freakin weirdo.

--v

Sabtu, 16 April 2011

2011-04-16T10:38:00.007+07:00

Tadi mama dateng ke kosan bawain breadtalk buat sarapan, tp sekarang udh pergi lagi katanya ada undangan nikahan di ujung berung. Harusnya hari ini gue ada latian rutin, tapi nanti siang ada praktikum ke sungai cikapundung sampe sore. Mama bilang katanya nanti sore mau ke sini lagi kalo sempet sekalian ketemu eyang. Mungkin ada untungnya juga gue ngga dapet tiket konser ISO, jadi bisa ketemu mama. Tapi ya tetep aja sih kesel, biarpun duitnya udh dibalikin.

Pengen ngerjain laporan mikling tapi tiba2 ngga niat gara2 foto2 pengamatannya belom diupload. Bahkan gue ngga tau deh ada yg foto2 pas pengamatan atau engga. Selalu deh kayak gini kalo gue ngga ikut pengamatan pasti ngga ada yang punya inisiatif buat foto2. Sekalinya ada egois cuma foto bagian yang dia kerjain doang. Apa gunanya kelompok lah kalo gitu? Lo aja sana praktikum sendirian. Pagi2 udah bikin mood turun aja sih.

Sekarang jam 10.48 dan nanti gue bakal kumpul di gerbang blakang jam 12.45 buat ke cikapundung. mau mandi tapi malesssss. bener2 males buat ngapa-ngapain. mood LAGI LAGI ngga beres, pikiran negatif terus. satu2nya pengalih pikiran mungkin cuma ngebayangin gue pulang kamis depan. ngebayangin ketemu temen2 lama yg udh setaunan ngga ketemu. yah lumayan bikin mood sedikit naik, tapi terus turun lagi wkt ngeliat kenyataan kalo sekarang gue masih di bandung.

pengen pulang pengen pulang pengen pulaaang! haah sabar vit sabaar sampe minggu depan. jaman2 tpb ngga pulang 3 minggu aja udh manja bgt ngeluh2 pengen pulang, makan tuh vit sekarang 4 bulan ngga pulang rasanya gimana. bisa aja nanti lo bakal ngga pulang 1 semester atau lebih bahkan. you should get used to it.

terus skrg tiba2 kepikiran lagi sm kotak yang ada di lemari itu. sampe sekarang masih ngga tau bakal diapain. kadar bego gue sepertinya cukup tinggi untuk ngasih, tapi kadar pengecut gue juga ngga kalah tinggi untuk ngga ngasih. duh ngga tau deh tunggu aja tanggal mainnya. paling2 nanti juga gue melakukan sesuatu yang impulsif dan tanpa mikir. lagi.

sekarang jam 11.23. nulis kayak ginian aja lama banget. kebanyakan bengongnya dan ngga ada intinya. sambil nulis sambil nontonin true beauty di star world. menurut gue itu acara lebih fake daripada gue dan itu berarti fake-nya tingkat dewa super duper tinggi. apanya yg cantik luar dalam coba. luarnya aja fake gitu apalagi dalemnya. tapi terus gue masih nontonin. ckck memang ya manusia.

hmm mandi sekarang apa ya? tadi kata temen gue yg praktikum sungainya pagi ada banyak "benda2 ajaib" di sana. mulai yg ngambang2 sampe uler gede banget. untung yang nyemplung cowo2 aja. di saat2 begini gue bersyukur jadi cewe haha. yasudah deh mandi yuk yuk. dadah blooog.

14.55

halo lagi! gue baru saja mengeringkan badan dan berganti baju. bukan, bukan karena tadi gue nyemplung ke cikapundung, tp karena tadi habis menempuh hujan badai. praktikum gue batal saking deresnya ujan, jadi datanya disuruh minta sama kelompok shift yg pagi2 udh ke sana. yeyey senang :D dan skrg gue kembali duduk di depan laptop untuk menuangkan ocehan2 otak gue yang lagi sangat cerewet ini. hm pengen bikin coklat panas dulu deh

oke skrg sudah ditemani segelas cadbury hot chocolate sambil nonton got to dance UK 2. tadi gue bilang ke mama kalo praktikumnya batal terus katanya tau gitu gue diajak ke undangannya biar bisa makan enak gratis.

enak juga ya kalo bisa tau hari ini bakal ujan deres dan batal praktikum. pasti hari ini bakal sangat perfect bisa pergi sama mama sampe sore. terus malemnya nonton ISO (seandainya dapet tiket). seandainya.

seandainya setaun yang lalu gue bisa tau kalo pada hari yang sama setaun berikutnya gue bakal duduk di depan laptop untuk mengetik ini kira2 apa yg bakal gue lakukan ya? mungkin gue bakal..... entah deh. yaudahlah waktu itu emang ajaib. seandainya, lagi, gue bisa milih untuk punya 1 kekuatan spesial mungkin gue bakal milih pengontrol waktu. seru banget pasti.

oiya tadi gue liat gambar di group bbm TL. gambarnya poster bikinan anak2 ecoschool yg lagi diajar sama anak2 TL. mereka disuruh bikin poster tentang lingkungan dan mereka malah nulis "STOP GLOBAL WORMING". global WORMing. lucu juga. entah emang salah nulis atau emang sedang menyindir serangan ulat bulu yg lagi ngehip banget skrg ini. kalo iya berarti mereka sangat kreatif.

duh gue labil bener daritadi kerjaannya cuma ngetik, apus, ngetik, apus. yah mau gimana juga topik yg bisa dibahas di sini perlu disaring juga kan ya. sebenernya bisa aja sih gue membuat ini sebagai blog privat dan gue bebas nulis apapun tanpa disaring tapi entah kenapa itu menyalahi konsep ttg blog yg ada di pikiran gue. kalo emang lagi bener2 butuh nulis tanpa disaring sebenernya udh gue lakukan berkali-kali di sini tapi cuma gue simpen di draft hehe. bahaya juga kalo semua muanya di post.

gue tau kepribadian gue di sini sama di dunia nyata sebenernya beda banget. gue juga malu kalo bacain ulang post2 lama apalagi kalo ada orang yang ngebahas bahas tentang apa yg gue tulis rasanya pengen menghilang saat itu juga. tapi ya bersyukur ajalah masih ada orang2 yg cukup kepo untuk tau sampah jenis apa yg gue tulis di sini. padahal kalo gue jadi orang luar terus nemu blog ini mah gue ngga bakal tertarik deh untuk baca. sebenernya sih mau ada yg baca atau engga gue jg ngga peduli2 amat. ini cuma untuk kesenangan pribadi, lebih tepatnya kebutuhan pribadi. kalo ada yg suka bacain ya alhamdulillah tapi gue kasih tau ajalah yg bacain kayak ginian hanya menghabiskan waktu dari hidup kalian yg berharga haha.

ohiya wkt itu gue baru abis nonton "?" itu film agak sensitif yg membahas tentang perbedaan agama. lumayan bagus kok. ceritanya bener2 tentang realita masyarakat yg ada yah lebay dikit sih tp it's okay. gue denger dari radio kalo filmnya udh dituntut MUI buat ditarik dari peredaran. yah heboh seperti biasa. untung gue udh nntn duluan. kenapa deh film kayak gini ditarik tapi film2 horor bokep ngga mutu itu masih diputer aja. mungkin mereka merasa tersindir dengan adanya peran golongan ekstrimis Islam yg ada di film itu. entahlah menurut gue agak lebay aja. gue sih sangat menghargai org2 yg berani memasarkan film2 sejenis ini.

sekarang jam 16.19! nulis gini seru juga ya ngga pake mikir. apa yg ada di pikiran tulis aja langsung. mungkin gue bakal menambah frekuensi postingan sejenis ini nanti2. makin sampah ajalah maaf ya blogku.

kemaren di ruang alat gue ngmgin game2 jaman dulu sama fedriz teiza daniel dll. jadi pengen main ps 1 lagi. main harvest moon, CTR, monster rancher, tekken duh kangen juga. masih ada ngga ya ps 1 gue di rumah. minggu depan cari aah semoga masih ada.

daritadi nontonin masterchef junior jadi laper bangeet. huhu laper lapeeer mama cepatlah dataaang ayo kita makaan. keren banget ya kalo bisa masak kayak gitu. kayaknya gue masak mie instan aja kadang2 kelembekan. ntar suami gue harus jago masak ah terus dia ngajarin anak gue terus gue dimasakin yg enak2 tiap hari hmmm this future life's just so beautiful in my imagination.

yes barusan mama bbm lagi otw ke sini. mau makan mau belanjaaa. mau beli sisir! sisir gue satu2nya udah patah, ilang lagi. terus gue bbrp hari ini kalo sisiran pake jepit rambut haha. oke mari kita siap2. sampai berjumpa lagii

17.00

gue udh siap2 daritadi tapi si mama ngga dateng2 hhhh. setelah dibaca baca lagi labil juga ya gue nulis kayak gini. bodo ah yg penting hepi. gpplah sekali kali ngeladenin ocehan si otak. kasian kalo disimpen simpen mulu.

ah pengen nonton ISO (masih kesel) tenang vit yg penting ada ganti acara jalan2 sama mama. biarpun paling juga perginya ngga jauh2 gara2 sekarang lagi sama supir baru yg belom ngerti jalan. gpplah yg penting gratis heheh.

doh ini apa2an sih lampu pake dimati-matiin segala. oh udah nyala lagi bagus. mari lanjut mengoceh. terus lampunya mati lagi. eh terus nyala lagi. ah ini apaan sih woi wooi bikin kesel. eh si mama udah dateng. udah dulu ya deee

19.26

dan saya kembali lagi. si mama udah jalan balik ke jakarta. tadi akhirnya cuma ke superindo terus makan di the kiosk. kalo jalan bareng mama beda banget sama papa. kalo sama papa pasti ngomongnya cuma "mau makan dimana?" "kamu mau pesen apa?" "mintain bill nya vit" terus sisanya doi ngautis bb. udah tau gue keturunan bapaknya yang jarang bikin topik obrolan yaudah deh kita ngobrolnya irit. kalo sama mama mah ada aja yg diomongin. mulai briptu norman, ulet bulu, si chimoy sama cleo (kucing di rumah), om toto yg mau nikah, si kakak yg phobia jarum suntik dan baru ketauan pas diopname kemaren, sampe si papa yg ngedit fotonya sendiri dikasih taring dan di post di group bbm keluarga. udah ngga ngerti lagi deh papa maunya apa pake ngepost2 foto gituan.

akh kan bener deh praktikum mikling yg mikrobiologi susu foto pengamatan yg kemaren kagak ada. dooooh kenapa sih pada egois2 amat tinggal foto cekrek jadi upload apa susahnya sih. tinggal klik2 doang. auk ah kalo laporan yg gue kerjain ngga ada fotonya terus analisisnya salah bodo amat deh. ganggu mood bener deh yg gini2 mah.

spider solitaire. lagi. entah kenapa gue lagi kerajingan ini banget dari bbrp minggu yg lalu. mungkin karena main ini lumayan bisa ngedistract pikiran gue. di laptop ini ngga ada game yg asik sih. sekalinya ada cuma free trial jadi males.

sekarang gue punya cemilan banyaak berkat mama ke sini hehe seneng. tapi kayanya dalam waktu 3 hari udah bakal abis deh. cih.

pengen nonton iso haah bosan bosan bosan. kalo kayak gini berasa ngga ada kerjaan banget padahal masih ada 3 laporan menunggu. ckck vit vit katanya ngga mau jadi deadliner lagi. katanya enak kalo kerjaan udh slesai tanpa harus begadang2 ngerjain. haa virus deadliner memang virus pathogen yg mematikan dengan tingkat virulensi yg tinggi dapat menyebabkan wabah epidemi dalam waktu singkat. maafin bahasa gue, ini gara2 epidemiologi lingkungan.

22.08

progres laporan :

mekflu 5%

mikling 0%

syalala mikling masih bikin mood turuuuuun

distractionnya kali ini glee yg edisi valentine. sebenernya segampang itu ngga sih orang2 ngucapin "the L word"? sejauh ini blm pernah ada kondisi yg bisa mentrigger gue untuk ngucapin kata sebesar itu. ngmg "sayang" aja bisa diitung pake jari di satu tangan. waktu itu gue pernah nanya "sayang" sama "L" itu lebih dalem mana sih? kalo katanya sih "sayang". katanya kata "sayang" itu udh mencakup semuanya termasuk "L" tapi kalo menurut gue justru kebalikannya. kata "sayang" aja udah cukup sakral apalagi yg satu itu. that word means so damn deep that you shouldn't just play around with it. lebay sih emang kedengerannya tapi menurut gue itu kayak janji yg sangat mengikat yg harusnya diucapkan dalam kondisi sadar dan 100% yakin dengan artinya. ngga cuma asal ngmg. haduh makin malem omongan gue makin ngelantur dan mengarah ke topik GMH (galau malam hari). ah ngga suka ayo ganti topik.

sekarang jam 23.14 dan belom ada kemajuan apa2 di laporan2 gue tercinta ini huks. sudahlah sepertinya sebentar lagi gue bakal tidur. postingan ini panjang sekali ya. maafkan gue yg sangat bawel untuk hari ini. terima kasih untuk mendengarkan sehari bersama saya haha

--v

2011-04-05T23:18:00.003+07:00

vit, lo tuh lagi kenapa sih sebenernya?? semua hal yang lo pilih dan lo kerjain tuh salah. wajar aja lo disalah-salahin orang lain, bahkan lo aja nyalahin diri sendiri terus. kalo ngga bisa ya bilang ngga bisa, kalo lo bisa ya bilang bisa. sampe kapan sih lo mau nutup2in kelemahan2 lo ini? kenapa sih lo harus peduli sama org2 yg ngga peduli sama lo, ngga ngehargain usaha lo? kehilangan 1-2 orang yang dulunya lo percaya itu ngebuktiin kalo kepercayaan lo terlalu berharga untuk mereka. masih banyak orang lain yang lebih peduli di sekitar lo, yang bener-bener mau jadi temen lo dengan segala kekurangan yang lo punya, lo cuma butuh untuk lebih percaya sama mereka. sampe kapan sih lo mau hidup dlm karakter yang selama ini hanya ada di pikiran lo aja? gimana lo mau jujur sama orang lain kalo sama diri sendiri aja ngga bisa? dan gimana orang lain mau kenal lo kalo lo aja ngga kenal diri lo sendiri?

--v

old habit

2011-03-22T22:33:00.003+07:00

hi march! maybe this is just another confession of mine. you should've known it already. yes, i'm back to the old habit. the old bad habit. i gave up to that little challenge "brain vs heart" i made for myself at the beginning of this year. the record for my brain to win was for 2 months and 21 days, bad isn't it? well i can't help it anymore. my heart and my brain already start arguing, again, and the brain's getting a little bit weaker now. it's not like i'm getting a personal happiness by coming back to this habit, in fact i feel more and more miserable. i really didn't know what to expect from this. oh well lemme stop this before i start talking nonsense here. bye.

--v

2011-03-11T01:30:00.003+07:00

that conversation surely told me that i've grown more and more stupid each day. considering it was just a simple joke without any bad intention, and the fact that i laughed it off, they're still a bit...... hurt

--v

sedikit bercerita

2011-03-01T23:22:00.003+07:00

sekarang sudah bulan maret namun sebenarnya saya ingin berbagi cerita tentang sisa februari saya setelah post terakhir yang saya tulis. saya punya sangat banyak hal yang ingin saya curahkan di sini dari beberapa minggu yang lalu tetapi apa boleh buat kalau laptop saya mogok dan baru menyala kembali hari ini. yaa karena ingatan saya memang agak sedikit singkat mungkin saya hanya akan menulis beberapa hal yang saya ingat.

sebagai lanjutan dari post sebelumnya, saya dan tim CG MBWG mengikuti IOMBC di Istora tangal 19 Februari. hasilnya? jujur saya sangat bangga dapat ikut serta bermain dalam tim ini. bukan, kami tidak juara, bahkan kami tidak masuk ke final, tapi saya merasa beruntung dapat ikut merasakan bagian dari tim saya. memang peringkat 8 bukanlah yang kami sangka akan kami dengar pada pengumuman babak penyisihan, dan saya memang kecewa karena hal itu. tangan kiri saya tiba2 kram dan mati rasa ketika tampil dan ini cukup membuat saya kesal karena tidak bisa bermain dengan mulus. tetapi terlepas dari itu saya tahu saya telah memberikan lebih dari yang biasa saya tampilkan ketika latihan. tragedi berdarah juga sempat terjadi saat penampilan. salah seorang teman saya pelipisnya harus dijahit hingga 4 jahitan akibat terkena sabre di tengah lagu dan salutnya tetap melanjutkan rutin hingga akhir dengan tetap tersenyum.

"gue tau bbrp dari kalian pasti ada yg ngga puas dengan penampilan tadi tapi kalo lo tanya gue, jujur gue sangat puas. menurut gue itu adalah penampilan terbaik yang pernah MBWG tampilin selama beberapa tahun gue aktif di MBWG. kalau gue sebagai orang luar nonton dari atas dan backdropnya diganti jadi warna item dengan tulisan Winter Guard International, menurut gue kalian ngga ada bedanya sama SCV (Santa Clara Vanguard)."

jujur saya cukup kaget mendengar pernyataan ini karena saya tahu pelatih kami tidak mungkin berkata seperti itu hanya untuk menghibur. ketika itu saya tahu kalau penampilan tadi adalah yang terbaik yang telah kami lakukan. paket yang sangat bagus, kepanitiaan yang hebat, tim yang sangat menyenangkan, latihan yang seru, dengan hasil yang memuaskan. pengalaman seperti ini mungkin hanya datang sekali dalam beberapa tahun dan sekali lagi saya dapat pastikan kalau saya bangga dengan proses ini.

di sisi lain, saya sangat kangen dengan semuanya. orang-orangnya, latihannya, terutama paket "i miss you" ini. saya ingin bermain kembali dalam emosinya. kalau boleh jujur, mungkin karena hanya itu satu-satunya cara saya dapat bercerita sejujur dan seterbuka mungkin tanpa harus bersuara. bisa menyuarakan 'kata-kata itu', yang sebenarnya sudah berkali-kali saya teriakkan hanya di dalam kepala saya, dengan gesture, gerakan, dan ekspresi bisa dibilang sedikit adiktif untuk saya. yah anggap saja saya memiliki keuntungan untuk mendalami lagu ketika bermain dan saya berjanji kalau ini adalah terakhir kalinya saya bermain dengan peruntukkan objek yang sama.

sekarang sudah bulan maret, dan semoga yang merugikan dapat tertinggal di februari serta segala yang ingin diingat akan teringat dan segala yang ingin dilupakan akan terlupakan. amin.

--v

happy valentine!

2011-02-15T00:23:00.003+07:00

ya gue tau ini udah tanggal 15, yasudalahya. bulan ini bener2 bulan super hectic buat gue, buat kita. gue tau emang MBWG maju ke ke guard contest IOMBC emang sangat mempertaruhkan banyak hal karena di luar rencana banget tapi gue sangat salut.

anak2 CG yang masih mau lanjut main di tengah2 sibuknya akademik ITB yang super gila, ngorbanin acara himpunan, tugas besar, jurnal , laporan praktikum, studio, dan sebagainya, bahkan tugas akhir. anak2 karbitan yang super epic gaul gila yoyo mamen, yang dengan jeniusnya ngejar paket sampe babak belur. pelatih-pelatihku nan kece yang udah bolak balik ninggalin kerjaan2nya demi kita. official yang setrong2 ngangkutin karpet seberat berat dosa semua anak MBWG, yang sabar gonta ganti kain bendera,masang2in dop yang sering rusak, dan segala tetek bengek urusan gede sampe yang kecil2 tapi banyak. panitia dadakan yang udah kocar kacir ngurus izin lapangan yang super susah, bolak balik jakarta sama jatinangor demi equip, nyari duit sampe ngegali perut bumi demi mimpi anak2 cg ngga tau diri baru slesai GPMB tapi ketagihan lantai kuning dan kepengen ikut CG contest tahun ini.

keputusan malam tadi untuk tetap lanjut di tengah semua kegilaan yang ada bener2 bikin gue salut. bahkan gue udah sangat bersyukur gue ikut persiapan IOMBC ini sebelum hari H dateng. gue berharap apapun yang terjadi di lantai kuning nanti adalah yang maksimal dan yang terbaik untuk kita entah itu menang atau kalah. semangat H-4!!!

--v

MBWG promotional vid for IOMBC's Colour Guard Contest 2011.
Check this out before you watch our performance in February 19th at Istora Senayan!!

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10150097416412170

dear pride,

2011-01-21T01:23:00.007+07:00

hi pride, how are you doing? still high huh? i know i broke you down yesterday. i broke our own promise to keep every problem to ourself, to stay strong in front of the others. i'm sorry i've grown weaker and weaker through the days. everything went so well at first and i don't realize it's just the surface. you know i've tried so damn hard to keep you up for those couple of days but suddenly i just can't hold it anymore. i'm sorry i've done the thing that you've been avoiding for all these years. i know you're hurt, pride, and i'm ashamed of myself. if only from the beginning we just admit that i, the one you've been working with all the time, am a weak and stupid girl who don't know and can't do anything, maybe you won't set yourself too high. i'm sorry and i'll make it up for you. i'll try my best to keep my guard up so you won't get hurt again, my dearest pride. i swear i won't break our promise again.

--v

2011-01-11T23:06:00.002+07:00

mari menulis karena tanggalnya bagus. ya emang ngga penting, gue tau.

2011 sampai saat ini berhasil membuat gue kecewa, takut, tp juga bersyukur. entah deh gue juga bingung. akh yaudalah yg penting ngga nyerah sama keadaan. maaf nyampah abis mood lagi ngga beres.

--v

2011-01-03T17:56:00.002+07:00

well, i'm a taurus with those untouchable high pride. maybe i'm gonna tone it down a little bit, you think this could work?

--v

(a tumblr post)

#2010memories

2010-12-29T09:30:00.021+07:00

you

tangkuban perahu with kimdas 21

oskm

my birthday surprise

my awkward first kiss

that trip to pangandaran

my first phone lost

my first real heartbroke

my swargalokanata

my mbwg

that conflict with them

my marching geeks

some unexpected confessions

those conflicts with my mind

my guard mates

my hmtl

my lovely cat passed away

my first gpmb

my first love story

my dearest 2010,

how could you fly that fast? can you please just stay? i don't know what's gonna happen next year and i'm scared :(

--v

*update

it's dec 31st about 2 a.m. and i think i lost my wallet. seriously. at the very end of the year. dear God, i'm sorry for being such an idiotic creature :"(

*update (again)

it's dec 31st 9 a.m. and i found my wallet back. dear God, i've grown to be more idiotic in just

a couple of hours, forgive me.

2010-12-18T19:15:00.002+07:00

i just realize something funny about being in this marching band. i put a lot of trust on them, who i don't personally know inside out and they don't even know me that much , more then to my close college friends who basically know me more than them. weird isn't it?

--v

unconscious memories

2010-12-17T11:08:00.006+07:00

so yesterday was my huge refreshment. i finally watch harry potter! yeah i know it's kinda late but i just got my spare time to go yesterday with the girls. then randomly (as always) we continue watching tangled, this was my first movie marathon to be honest.

harry potter to me was fantastic. i don't know why there're so many scenes that goes EXACTLY the same as my vision when i read the book. feels like i'm watching my imagination all over again. well tangled, as good as people told, was hilarious. those are my first movie in this semester and i'm a bit relieved i still can do thing like this.

at the same time something doesn't feel right. the whole past memories about him, us, came back all of a sudden. maybe it's just because the place, the place i used to watch movies all time, you know, with him. but weirdly there're these tiny things i didn't expect to remember and it keeps me wondering how do our memories work. are they like recording everything we saw, we heard, and we felt, like literally EVERYTHING unconsciously, and pops up in certain time like that?

for that harry potter movie, i read the book like years ago and i can't barely remember anything about it but when i watch the movie, i suddenly remember every detail of the story. if i can compare that with those time, it would be like i read a book when i'm with him, not really paying attention about what's going on and just go along with it until the last chapter. but yesterday suddenly i watched our movie and there goes thousands of unconscious memories showed up.

it's a very good "movie" after all. hmm well i'm not gonna lie there's still a slight pain to remember that but i know it will be gone sooner or later. and in time i watched "our movie" again it would have the same feeling like watching harry potter. okay it doesn't sound like good comparison tough but i'm fine, i know i'll be fine.

--v

comes from the old post

2010-12-14T23:25:00.002+07:00

15.7.09

it's filling up my mind

i'm scared

i'm scared of going to university

i'm scared to move away from home

i'm scared of leaving my high school life

i'm scared of leaving my friends

i'm scared that they're going to forget me

i'm scared that i'm going to forget about them

i'm scared i can't find another awesome friends like them

i'm scared i can't be like myself after this

i'm scared that i don't know what's gonna happen there

i'm scared of this insecurities

i'm scared to move on

i hate growing up

-v

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

and those words i've once sentenced in this blog surprisingly still be my insecurities until now. well done

--v

(another copied post from my tumblr)

2010-12-13T22:47:00.004+07:00

"lo bisa kok, pasti bisa. lo tuh orang yang kuat di mata gue"

"tapi lo ngga ngeliat semuanya. gue ngga sekuat itu vit, malah lo terlihat jauh lebih kuat dibanding gue"

you know what, i'm a lot weaker than you, than anyone. i can't break myself down even to my closest person like you or they did. you're still my vision of a strong wall, so keep your head up like you used to and it's gonna be okay

--v

2010-11-24T22:44:00.002+07:00

KLISE

saya bosan

--v

2010-11-17T06:33:00.003+07:00

Last night I dream of you, us. We were walking down that really familiar street, just the 2 of us. Not saying a word. Suddenly you put your arm around my shoulder. I look at you and asked "why?", you said "I don't know". We smiled and continue walking in silent. How easy.

--v

flooding random thoughts

2010-11-13T21:32:00.005+07:00

yak akhirnya gue pulang. maksain diri utk apatis selama 5 hari ninggalin segala tanggung jawab itu yg bikin gue pulang dengan beban mental tapi entah deh gue bakal gimana di bandung kalo sampe akhir taun tetep ngga bisa pulang.

ngomong2 soal pulang, ternyata daerah bintaro dan rumah gue sendiri udh banyak berubah ya. berasa udh ngga ke sini bertaun taun (lebay) seru sih tapi kayak main tebak2an "temukan perbedaan sekarang dan dulu".

kalo dipikir-pikir pulang sekarang ini kayaknya bener2 pelarian. gue sendiri ngga tau secara spesifik gue melarikan diri dari apa. rasanya kayak tinggal lama di dalem ruangan sempit yang penuh sesek dan berisik terus dengan egoisnya maksa keluar dr ruangan itu sambil tutup kuping lalala gue ngga mau denger apa2.

btw kenapa ya makin ke sini gue makin sering pusing kalo ada di dlm ruangan tertutup yg berisik. bahkan cuma suara2 kecil tapi banyak kayak pulpen jatoh, batuk, kertas dibalik, kursi digeser atau org bisik2 rasanya kayak bising banget di kuping gue.

blakangan ini gue suka ngerasa berubah deh. entah beneran berubah atau cuma akhirnya tau ternyata gue bukan yang selama ini ada di kepala gue. kayak "kenapa gue A sih? harusnya biasanya kan gue B". aneh rasanya kayak ngga kenal diri sendiri gitu.

oiya skrg gue sedang berusaha membuat komunitas cheers di itb bersama salah seorang 2010 itb yg dulunya pkc juga. udah ada pelatih dan tempatnya dan skrg lagi fokus untuk nyari orang2 dan nentuin jadwal latian. hihiy super excited! semoga bisa bener2 jalan untuk jangka panjang

suka bingung kadang2 gue menyesali suatu hal yg udh gue lakukan tp dlm waktu yg bersamaan mensyukuri juga. tau yang gue lakuin itu bener tp rasanya ada yg salah atau malah kebalikannya tau yg gue lakuin itu salah tp rasanya bener. ergh.

kepala gue rasanya penuhhhhh. pengen banget bs numpahin cerita banyak super detail ttg semua kejadian yg ada di kepala gue tp terlalu riskan untuk ditaro di blog umum. cerita ke orang? hmmm siapa? kayaknya ngga ada orang yg senganggur itu utk mau dengerin cerita2 gue yg ngga penting. lagian gue blm siap mental utk bisa seterbuka itu (maunya apa).

knp ya feel utk nulis blog lebih sering ada kalo lg di rumah? padahal blog gue buka tiap hari tp jarang dpt feel untuk nulis. apa krn emg di bandung udh ngga ada feel utk ngapa2in ya? zzzt

yasudalah semoga pelariannya bermafaaat utk men-charge semangat hidup gue yg udh lowbat ini -___-

--v

ready?? okay!

2010-11-02T23:55:00.005+07:00

everybody stand up and cheer, hey, bring it!

let's go crowd together say "P"

"P"

lets go crowd together say "K"

"K"

let's go crowd together say "C

"C"

put it all together

say "P K C"

(what?)

"P K C"

(last time)

"P K C"

seventy

let's go

fight

win

(what?)

go fight win

let's go crowd together say

GO! FIGHT! WIN!

(what?)

GO! FIGHT! WIN!

oh dear God i really need a time machine :'(

--v

kenapa?

2010-10-28T23:38:00.003+07:00

kenapa sih semuanya barengan? kenapa sih waktu selalu kerasa ngga cukup? kenapa sih selalu ada beban mental di setiap perkerjaan? kenapa sih susah banget untuk jd apatis? kenapa sih emosi gampang banget naik turun? kenapa sih harapan gue slalu berlebihan? kenapa sih semua yg gue lakuin itu salah? kenapa sih ngga ada siapapun di saat2 kayak gini? KENAPA SIH GUE NGELUH TERUS? KENAPAAA? :s

--v

did i miss something?

2010-10-14T23:33:00.002+07:00

zyxwvtrqponmlkjihfgedcba

--v

nulis hanya karna tanggalnya bagus -_-

2010-10-10T19:39:00.003+07:00

dulu waktu sma gue kadang ngga percaya kata orang2 kalo kuliah itu akan menjadikan lo sangat individualis. masa sih sampe segitu berlebihannya? tp makin ke sini makin kerasa. semua orang semakin kompetitif, semua org udh punya kegiatan yang beda2, semua org udah nentuin prioritas masing2. bahkan org2 terdekat selama masa perkuliahan pun ternyata ngga bisa sepenuhnya lo harapkan. akhirnya dengan terpaksa gue pun jadi seperti itu. ke mana2 sendiri kayak anak ilang, gabung sana gabung sini, lingkar pergaulan yang ngambang.

entah kenapa semakin ke sini rasanya makin ngga enak. dulu kalo ada masalah emang sih gue paling ngga bs nyeritain segalanya ke org lain, tp seenggaknya mereka ada buat ngobrolin yg lain, buat seneng2, buat sedikit ngurangin beban pikiran. sekarang? kalo emang harus dibilang kesepian, kayaknya emang iya. kerasaaa banget kalo gue di sini hidup sendiri, untuk gue sendiri. ngga bakal ada satu org pun yg selalu ada untuk lo. mereka punya kehidupan mereka sendiri untuk dijalanin dan gue ngga bs seenaknya bergantung ke mereka.

mungkin ini jg dipengaruhin sama sifat gue sendiri yg susah untuk ngebuka diri sepenuhnya ke orang lain. tapi tetep aja bener2 beda dari smp atau sma. dan kayaknya ini yg bikin gue kangen untuk 'pulang'. pulang ke mereka yg bisa ngebuat gue ngelepas topeng individualis ini. suasana yang asal ketemu aja tanpa lo cerita apa2 rasanya udah tenang dan lega. tp ya tetep aja mereka sekarang juga punya kesibukan masing2.

ironisnya di sini dengan tekanan dan beban mental yg makin tinggi, masalah yg ada cuma disimpen sendiri dan akhirnya malah stres sendiri. pengen bgt rasanya punya tempat 'pulang' di bandung. gatau kapan tapi semoga bisa. semoga ada orang yg bisa gue percaya sepenuhnya di deket gue. semoga

--v

2010-10-02T23:05:00.003+07:00

it's october 2nd

and thanks God i had a chance to get the amazing feeling after doing "pengabdian masyarakat"

it's october 2nd

and AGAIN thanks God i had a chance to feel this big relief sensation after wearing that "green jacket"

but it's already october 2nd

and i still **** you. what do you think i should do?

--v

2010-09-25T00:28:00.002+07:00

i'm only good at being me, i'm only good at being not a good person. pathetic

--v

a month

2010-09-21T09:53:00.003+07:00

should i be proud of myself, should i not? i can't see it clearly the line's blur

--v

ha!

2010-09-16T10:03:00.002+07:00

"girls give give give, and boys get

girls forgive forgive forgive, and boys forget"

not that i'm totally agree with it but this is kinda funny how it rhymes. LOL

--v

nyanyian sang mama

2010-09-15T09:05:00.009+07:00

libur lebaran? kayaknya ngga bakal pernah jadi liburan utk gue. tiap hari selalu dihiasi "nyanyian2 indah" sang mama yg senantiasa bergema di relung kalbu. lagunya kira2 seperti ini :

"vitaaa kamarnya diberesin itu udh berantakan ngga karuaan"

"vitaaaaa itu cucian piring udah keburu numpuuuukk"

"vitaaa mumpung panas itu cucian dijemuriiin"

"vitaaaa udah mau ujan jemurannya buruan diangkatiiin"

"vitaaaaa itu kucingnya dikasih makaan tempat minumnya dicuciiin"

"vitaaa pasir chimoy dong tolong e*knya dibersihiiin"

"vitaa sampahnya itu dibawain ke depaan seblm tukang sampahnya pergiii"

"vitaaa tolong telponin tukang aq*a dong galonnya udah kosong"

yah sebenernya ngga cuma gue sih, kakak sama uli juga sami mawon digituin juga. jadwal pembagian kerja yg kita bikin pas awal liburan semakin lama semakin ngga berlaku entah kenapa. mungkin krn kita ngga selalu ada di rumah pas giliran kerjanya dan mama selalu nyuruh anaknya yg terlihat di depan matanya -__-

di tengah2 percakapan ketika kita bertiga lg ngeluh2, bude gue bilang

"yg namanya cewek, mau dia pejabat, mau dia jutawan atau apa, kalo soal urusan rumah wkt ngga ada pembantu mau ngga mau kita yg harus ngurusin. jadi kamu harus bisa segala kerjaan rumah tangga"

gue jd mikir kalo emansipasi wanita kayaknya emg ngga bs berlaku di segala bidang. soal urusan rumah tangga emang udh jadi "takdir" para cewek. ada juga sih kasus di mana istrinya yg kerja terus suaminya yg ngurusin rumah tapi yah susah juga kalo nyari yg kayak gitu. lalu tiba2 ada celetukan cerdas dari si kakak

"ya kalo gitu cari suami yang ngga keberatan kalo rumahnya berantakan"

hmm hmmm boleh juga. ada ngga ya kira kira? :D

yak berhubung mama udh mulai bernyanyi lagi barusan dan 2 orang nista lainnya sedang berlibur di puncak jadi terpaksa saya sudahi dulu postnya ~_~

--v

siapa?

2010-09-08T07:33:00.003+07:00

mereka

dengan segala yang tertinggal

merekahkan sedikit pilu di ujung pikiran

kami

dengan superioritas akan pengakuan

menggiring abu-abu ke kegelapan

dia

yang tak pernah diagungkan

mengundang tawa akan kebodohan

kita

yang memegang kendali atas memori

imaji mendetail yang tak lekang

kamu

aku

siapa?

--v

(a tumblr post)

and so my promise is now paid off

2010-09-03T20:42:00.002+07:00

with you,

i learn to guard

i learn to respect

i learn to sacrifice

i learn to share

i learn to care

i learn to trust

i learn to accept

i learn to forgive

i learn to forget

i learn to move on

thanks for the lessons (:

--v

home-not-so-sweet-home :(

2010-07-25T11:35:00.005+07:00

i miss my home, the concept of home. surrounded by them who you know very well will always care for you, even though they don't show it frankly. the situation when no matter what happen you're still in comfort because you trust your environment. a warm place without the need to wear a mask. but sadly i don't get that concept here at all

--v

nostalgia

2010-07-18T11:40:00.003+07:00

kalo abis ngeliat foto2 atau nginget cerita2 yg dulu bareng temen lama, pasti selalu bikin ketawa ngakak atau seenggaknya senyum2 sendiri. gue suka ngerasa lucu aja bahwa ternyata dulu gue adalah orang yg seperti itu. bisa2nya masalah yg dulu rasanya kayak mau mati ngadepinnya, sekarang bisa gue ketawain mentah2 dan nganggep apa yg gue lakuin dulu itu bodoh banget.

menurut gue hal kayak gitu yg namanya nostalgia. mengenang masa lalu dengan senyum, bukan dengan penyesalan. dan dengan nostalgia gue bisa bener2 sadar kalo bukan waktu yg ngubah segalanya, tapi pikiran kita sendiri. tapi untuk ngubah pikiran itu sendiri juga butuh waktu (jadi yg bener yg mana? gantung)

ngga jarang juga kalo lagi nostalgia, gue pengen banget balik ke masa lalu. meskipun masa itu sebenernya termasuk "masa2 sulit". bukan untuk ngubah keadaan, tp untuk ngerasain sekali lagi gmn gue ngejalanin "masa sulit" itu tapi dengan pikiran gue yg sekarang.

hmm gue-yg-sekarang dan gue-yang-dulu apakah sebeda itu? gue-yg-sekarang sih bersyukur dgn apa yg dilakukan gue-yg-dulu. krn kalo ngga gitu, gue pasti ngga bakal jadi gue-yg-sekarang (ngerti kan? ngerti dong) tp gue selalu penasaran apakah gue-yg-dulu akan kecewa kalo ngeliat gue-yg-sekarang? kalo emang iya, rasanya pasti sedih. aneh ya padahal "kita" individu yg sama. gue jadi mikir apakah gue-nantinya masih bisa bernostalgia tentang gue-yg-sekarang. kira2 bagian apa ya yg gue-nantinya bakal ketawain abis2an?

oke kembali ke topik sebelum mulai ngelantur. hmm nah kan gue jd lupa mau nulis apa aaah dasar A.D.D. menyebalkan (nyalahin) yasudahlah. oiya, balik lagi ke definisi nostalgia : mengenang masa lalu dengan senyum, bukan dengan penyesalan di atas (yg gue karang sendiri), menurut gue itu termasuk kegiatan bersyukur. krn di saat gue udh bisa ngetawain apa yg dulu gue anggep susah, secara ngga langsung gue ngga menyesali apa yg udah Dia berikan ke gue di masa lalu dan bersyukur dengan apa yg gue punya selama ini.

intinya nostalgia adalah kegiatan positif, jadi bernostalgialah! :D

--v

yuhuuu

2010-07-12T13:49:00.002+07:00

VIVA LA ESPANA!!

the new world cup champion!!

i've been supporting them since the past WC's and finally this year they did it :')

just one goal, relax, keep it steady, understand the situation, and when you realize you already reach the top. love them :D :D

--v

dear my blog

2010-06-21T12:07:00.005+07:00

i don't know why but i think i kinda always choose the wrong decision lately. regret won't help so there's no regret of course. but it makes me a bit confuse for what to choose next. also makes me wonder for the big things i've chosen, is it right or not. i'm losing to myself too much that makes me scared. thinking too much like that is just not me. just-keep-going is what i do, but that doesn't feel right and there's something uncomfortable about it. i keep running and avoiding any of that thoughts and in the end i got nothing. i guess i think i know myself well but in fact i don't. yea yea gadgets don't really need instruction manual, human do.

--v

#tentangpapa

2010-06-20T23:22:00.002+07:00

(mau ikutan tren twitter masa kini)

1. sepeda adalah anak ke-6 nya setelah chimoy dan chiput

2. suka sok kurus kalo beli kaos. kekecilan, mamah jadi korban sisaan

3. sumber penurunan pigmen kulit berlebih dan gen malas mandi

4. apapun yang dia suka, sekeluarga harus suka juga. contoh : sepeda

5. katanya nilainya selalu 9 karena dulu nilai 10 hanya untuk Tuhan

6. tidak dikenal oleh teman2 sd, smp, bahkan sma nya

7. baru gaul waktu udah kerja

8. ngga pernah mau ngangkat telfon rumah yg cuma brp centi dari tempatnya duduk padahal telfonnya jg buat dia

9. tiba2 pulang pulang bilang udah beli tanah di bsd yang akhirnya dijual lagi

10. sering kejam sama chimoy (contoh : digendong ala kambing guling) tp anehnya ngga pernah digigit atau dicakar

yaya 10 saja. saya sudah malas mikir haha

happy father's day! :)

--v

Juni

2010-06-11T19:46:00.005+07:00

meskipun kamu telah menjadi pemberani

ataupun baru saja ditinggal pergi

ketika kamu ingin sepanjang hari bernyanyi

bahkan saat kamu berfikir tak ada jalan lain selain mati

lihatlah, bumi tidak berhenti

tidak barang sejenak untuk mengamati

yang terasa sebenarnya hanya ilusi

yang kamu hidupi adalah duniamu pribadi

karena apapun yang terjadi

juni akan tetap berganti

--v

sorry for the million hundred times

2010-05-24T09:09:00.004+07:00

i know you said there's nothing to feel sorry about but yet i still have this big guilty feeling stuck along my throat. when i said "are we still friend?" i know it won't be the same as before. yeah maybe not that obvious but i'm sure there'll still be a tiny portion that might change, unless i got hit by a truck and got amnesia. i'm shocked, again, for the second time. and also when you told me since when it begins, it's like a whole past movie playing inside my head. i'm confused. and the only word i can barely said was 'sorry'. sorry for everything. sorry for not being a good friend, sorry for being super insensitive, sorry for all the things i've done that brings you pain, i bet it happens a lot. and again thank you for the billions help you give me, for still smiling at me when you don't want to, for being there. i don't know how long this guilt would last but i'm still hoping we can go on like before. i couldn't tell you directly so i hope you read this. thank you for telling me the truth.

--v

sampah sampah sampah

2010-05-18T13:13:00.003+07:00

hahahah sampah banget sih tolong ya untuk yang ternyata diem2 baca blog ini ngga usah dibahas bahas kalo ada gueeeee

yasir nyebelin >:p

--v

Happy May 16th :)

2010-05-16T18:58:00.005+07:00

thank you my happy family for the birthday lunch today, you don't know how much i miss spending my time like that.

thank you avi, astrid, clara, bibi, winda, fanka, janu, jemi, bendot, erland, kak hanie for the birthday surprise. i actually bought avi's story that her cousin was sick -_-. thank you for the cake even though you gave it to my face and hair.

thank you to every person on the greeting cards. to my supergirls, my bestfriends, new and old friends, my family, even certain people i've never expected to be there.

and thank you so much yasir for your willingness spending time with my family. and special big thanks for the wonderful birthday gift you've made. so many people in that jar that i never thought would be there.

i'm glad to live eighteen years of my life this way. i'm glad to have such people that can be my home. no single regret for knowing them all. thank you thank you THANK YOU :D

--v

dear my cheermate

2010-05-12T11:27:00.005+07:00

saya ingat hari jumat yang dulu selalu kita habiskan di ruang gulat senayan

saya ingat kesalnya menunggu orang2 yang ngaret datang latihan

saya ingat beratnya latihan kalau menjelang lomba

saya ingat waktu kak ami mengadakan pijat masal karena pada pegal2

saya ingat rasa takut waktu disuruh membuat piramid baru

saya ingat rasanya jatuh ke matras tanpa ada yang menangkap

saya ingat ketika mereka meminta maaf kalau itu terjadi

saya ingat protes2 yang dilontarkan kalau ada yang salah

saya ingat waktu kita semua delivery makanan ke tempat latihan

saya ingat tukang deliverynya seringkali kebingungan

saya ingat waktu kak anon akhirnya marah karena kita tidak bisa diam

saya ingat betapa susahnya mengajak yang lain untuk turun ke matras kalau habis istirahat

saya ingat betapa lusuhnya penampilan setelah latihan

saya ingat kita menunggu taxi tarif bawah hingga berjam-jam kalau pulang

saya ingat hectic nya waktu siap2 tampil

saya ingat paniknya ketika nama tim kita disebut untuk maju

saya ingat semangat yang kita teriakan waktu tos di pinggir lapangan

saya ingat kesalnya kalau lagunya salah diputar

saya ingat teriakan penonton yang kadang menjatuhkan

saya ingat sedihnya ketika ada piramid yang gagal

saya ingat bangganya berada di atas piramid sambil tersenyum

saya ingat puasnya kita setelah tampil

saya ingat deg2an nya waktu pengumuman juara lomba

saya ingat rasa yang bercampur aduk ketika piala sudah di tangan

saya ingat waktu pertama kali mendapat juara 1

saya ingat pialanya tidak sengaja patah

saya ingat kalau itu semua menyenangkan

saya ingat kalau saya sangat kangen kalian :)

--v

sorry

2010-05-11T22:10:00.003+07:00

when 'it' suddenly appear

and i suddenly remember

and the old habit

and the following guilt

all in one

--v

somewhat

2010-05-08T11:25:00.004+07:00

somehow

someday

someone

something

is out there

--v

tournament

2010-04-14T20:13:00.005+07:00

for the next battle :

GUILT vs PRIDE

who's gonna be the champion??

place your bet, and watch carefully!

round 1..... GO!

--v

kenapa ya?

2010-04-10T09:10:00.004+07:00

"pas ngga dicari pasti ada, tp pas lagi dicari malah ngga ketemu"

dan ini sering banget kejadian. entah itu hal sepele atau penting, tetep aja bikin kesel dan gondok. mau sok sok ngga nyari juga pasti bawaannya ngga enak deh. padahal jelas2 logikanya gimana mau ketemu kalo ngga dicari?

sama halnya kayak

"giliran pengen dilupain malah inget, tp giliran pengen diinget malah lupa"

"kalo ngga ditungguin aja dateng, tp kalo ditungguin malah ngga dateng dateng"

sebenernya solusi itu ada tapi datengnya emang ngga bisa diduga. kadang-kadang kalo lagi ngga butuh, kita ngga merhatiin apa yang ada di sekitar, ngga peduli, dan ngga bersyukur. giliran lagi butuh banget langsung deh kocar-kacir panik nyari solusi. tau gitu gue catet deh atau tau gitu tadi gue simpen dan tau gitu-tau gitu lainnya. tapi di sini masalahnya kita ngga tau. ngga tau kalo kita bakal butuh sesuatu itu, ngga tau kalo "itu" bakal jadi penting. dan ngga bakal bisa tau juga sih kecuali punya mesin waktu yang bisa untuk liat masa depan.

"people won't realize it until they lose it"

tapi apakah dengan lebih peka, hal-hal kayak tadi bakal ngga kejadian? apa itu cuma sugesti yang bikin orang semakin sulit untuk nyari solusi? hmm i'm still wondering why

--v

yes i am

2010-04-03T07:20:00.006+07:00

yes, i rarely start a conversation

yes, i hardly pay attention to people

yes, i don't really care what they said about me

yes, i'm kinda self-centered

yes, i'm a cold-hearted person

and yes, i change it all towards you

but yes, i know you don't care about it, do you?

--v

home~

2010-04-02T08:01:00.002+07:00

akhirnya setelah lebih dari sebulan ngga pulang ternyata gue bisa kangen juga sama rumah beserta penghuni2nya, tapi papa malah lagi sepedaan di semarang sampe hari senin -__- . kangen nulis blog di atas kasur sambil denger mama teriak2 "vitaa makaan" dari bawah dan cuma dijawab "iyaa ntaaar". and after this i'm gonna meet up with my very best HS friend hihi that's what i called a real mood booster :)

oke sedikit random tp blakangan ini banyak hal mengejutkan yg terjadi. yang paling aneh adalah gue sekarang jadi sedikit sensitif sama hal-hal mistis. jujur gue bukan orang yg bisa "melihat" seblm2nya tapi dalam bulan maret kmrn gue udah ngeliat 3 kali. jadi sekarang gue super parnoan kalo lagi sendiri terutama malam hari. this ability is not suited for a person like me. semoga abis ini ngga ada apa2 lagi.

short post after a long time but hey at least i'm not forgetting my blog.

post to you soon :)

--v

time machine

2010-03-23T10:54:00.003+07:00

if only i can turn back time

i want to rewind my life back from the beginning

i want to watch my own life movie

i want to forget 'now' for a moment

i want to know what have i done before building this wall

i want to see what's my face like before wearing this mask

i won't change anything in the past i promise

i just want to feel everything back there one more time

please

hello 2010 nice to meet you :)

2010-01-04T17:10:00.002+07:00

first post of the year, even tough it's already 4 days passing. but there's still a new year euphoria right? i still can't believe that one year can change me this much. 2009, that was the year that has taught me the most then any other year. well, what can you say? half first year was the last 6 months of high school, and the other half was my first months on university. if i could give awards to 2009 it would probably be :

- the most stressful year

- the weirdest year

- the tearful year

- the most emotional year

yet, this was the biggest life cycle rotation i've ever experienced among my 17 years old life. well, it's not like 2009 has change my life, but it's obviously changed me, myself, and my thoughts. too many precious laughs and tears with many different reasons that i can smile just by remembering it. i'm glad, reaaallllyy glad i've passed 2009 with what i've done. i know it's not that i'm doing the right things all the time. to think of it, this maybe a year with me making most mistake but well it'd done already. and i believe the positive side's always there.

hmm no new year resolution, as always. just lots and lots of thank to each person who've taught me everything.

HAPPY 2010 :)

--v

i think for this year i'll still go with my fun-seeker attitude :B

iri? dengki?

2009-12-30T22:32:00.005+07:00

"hilangkanlah perasaan iri dan dengki" itu saran yg paling klasik yg sangat sering kita denger. yah blakangan ini gue sangat sering iri terhadap banyak orang, banyak hal. tapi apa bener iri dan dengki emang perlu dihilangkan?

sejujurnya gue ngga tau apa itu definisi dari kata "dengki". menurut google sih dengki adalah perasaan dimana kita merasa tidak senang atas kebahagiaan yang didapat orang lain tanpa alasan yang jelas. oke anggep aja gue setuju dengan pendapat itu. dan gue juga sangat setuju kalo perasaan dengki itu emang harus dihilangkan.

jadi sekarang pertanyaanya gimana dengan iri? kalo menurut gue iri dan dengki itu bener bener 2 perasaan yg beda. dan gue yakin yg gue rasain selama ini itu adalah iri bukan dengki. hmm yah anggep aja dalam kasus nilai. waktu gue liat nilai temen temen gue lebih bagus dari gue, pasti yg terlintas pertama kali adalah "curang ya" nah itu namanya iri kan? bukan dengki. soalnya ya jelaslah gue seneng kalo temen gue dapet nilai bagus, kenapa juga harus sebel? tp pada saat yg sama gue mau ada di posisi dia juga. kecuali kalo selanjutnya gue mikir "ih pasti dia nyontek deh. ngga mungkin banget dia bisa kayak gitu" nah itu baru dengki. iya ngga sih?

oh oh gue tau gue tau (kayaknya) jadi dengki itu sebenernya iri yg disertai pikiran negatif bukan? soalnya coba deh kalo rasa iri itu disertai pikiran positif. coba pikiran "curang ya" tadi dilanjutin sama "hebat banget. kok bisa sih? gue juga mau ah kayak gitu" that would be a great motivation isn't it?

jadi kesimpulannya adalah :

iri + negative thinking = dengki

iri + positive thinking = motivasi

oke ini cuma kesimpulan orang sotoy dari hasil diskusi bersama diri sendiri (dan google) tapi ya lumayan lah. ya kan ya kan ya dong.

berarti yg gue rasain itu emang beneran pure iri. bukan dengki, tp juga bukan motivasi. bener bener nanggung karna gue ngga menambahkan apapun setelah "curang ya", oh wait i think i've add some sort of like "yaudalahya dia emang pinter kok" and so do nothing about it. jadi kesimpulan selanjutnya adalah

iri + do nothing = bloon

yes, gue bloon beneran deh kayaknya. well it is already great that i didn't add those negative thinking. tp sepertinya gue terlalu pasrah sama apa yg gue punya. ngga mau usaha dan ngejadiin iri itu motivasi.

dan gue ngoceh2 daritadi cuma untuk mendapatkan kenyataan bahwa gue bloon, yang bahkan gue udah tau fakta itu dari awal. ckck aneh ya hidup ini -__-

jadi apakah perasaan iri itu dosa? apakah iri itu perlu dihilangkan? apakah iri itu sesuatu yg bagus atau engga? it all depends with what will you do next to those feelings

--v

i'm sorry

2009-12-29T19:58:00.002+07:00

to my dearest fellow,

ok, i admit i acted so cool back then. i acted like there's nothing wrong about that, like i've heard the news a thousand times. i put a smile and said "that's okay". you must be thinking that i don't have any problem with that. i acted as normally as ever after that. but i'm sorry, REALLY, REALLY, SORRY. what you see is just me TRYING to accept what you've just said. that was such a shocking news, to be honest. i've never think even a second about that matter. i know it, very well, that you put a lot of effort telling me those things. and i'm really thankful for your big trust in me. a BIG THANK. i don't know if i'm scared. i'm shocked and confused and yea maybe a little bit scared. i really don't know what to do if i face you later. i want me to act normally as always, but can i? and this things have been bothering me like everyday. no, not about you, it's about me. about my reaction towards the truth. i hate myself so much for not accepting this easily. why should i be bothered this much? i WANT to let it go and i don't know why it is so hard to do so. you're a good person, you trust me this much, and what? this is my reaction towards it? i feel like i have to punish myself out of this guilt. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. you're such a good friend of mine and i won't let your trust down, i promise.

with tons of apologize and big bucket of thank,

--v

hey dear

2009-12-15T11:41:00.003+07:00

--v

2009-12-07T17:04:00.002+07:00

barusan gue abis bacain ulang semua post yg ada di blog ini. terus gue sadar kayanya blakangan ini blog gue beralih dari sharing happy moments menjadi tempat untuk ngeluhin hal hal ngga penting. hmm mungkin karena sekarang ada twitter jadinya kalo seneng2 ditaro di tweet, tp bagian jelek jelek yg ngga bisa di tweet jadi ditaro di blog. ckck maaf ya blog-ku kamu aku jadiin tempat sampah. i'll try to switch back my blog so it won't be so gloooomy.

catch ya later
--v